[ His head droops at what is said; he knows it to be true. Even if Halia is rebuilt, it could fall. His hand unclenches - fingers digging slightly into the stone - before clenching once more. Could it be that he's afraid that he'll let them down once more?
A broken sigh slips out; it holds so much of his anguish in barely any sound. He breathes in, and hears how his breathing shakes; he doesn't yet cry but feels his throat closing.
Yet he's able to refocus his stare at Will. His expression twists at hearing the massacre at the Eldan Sanctum. He swallows; the fires of that day haunted Louis, as well. Yet where it twisted one of them; it gifted another the desire to help.
And Louis never left that horror.
Strohl realizes his own folly in an instant; he, too, is still trapped back there. Yet he's started to walk away from that day. He doesn't pull his hand away when Will rests his hand over his; instead, he watches how his fingers move; how he uses that small touch to comfort him.
He stays quiet for a time, mulling over what is said.
His other hand flexes at his side; fingers twitching almost involuntarily. He tells himself that he shouldn't be a coward. No, rather than a coward, he can't just be silent when he decides what he said was just "the start." ]
I realize now that I'm a bit like Louis... [ Softening his voice, he feels the corners of his lips curl into a half-smile. Flexing his fingers once more, he lifts his other hand. Swallowing, he reaches out to gently cup the side of Will's face; the inside of his palm feels warmer than usual as it rests against his skin. ]
... in many ways, I feel like I was still there seven years ago. It paints what I should be doing now. If Halia is rebuilt, what if it is ruined? If outrage and unreasonable hatred for you rise, what if an attempt comes? What if I can't protect anything that I care about?
[ But right now - the broken pieces of Halia and Will are in his hands. ]
I can't just be afraid. I can't live that way and not believe in a better future. I can't be like Louis and think that the best way to avoid heartache is not to attempt to build or work at anything I want.
[ His heart aches as he confesses his weakness. ]
What did we all do this for if I was going to hide away from what I cherish most?
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Date: 2024-12-02 05:04 am (UTC)A broken sigh slips out; it holds so much of his anguish in barely any sound. He breathes in, and hears how his breathing shakes; he doesn't yet cry but feels his throat closing.
Yet he's able to refocus his stare at Will. His expression twists at hearing the massacre at the Eldan Sanctum. He swallows; the fires of that day haunted Louis, as well. Yet where it twisted one of them; it gifted another the desire to help.
And Louis never left that horror.
Strohl realizes his own folly in an instant; he, too, is still trapped back there. Yet he's started to walk away from that day. He doesn't pull his hand away when Will rests his hand over his; instead, he watches how his fingers move; how he uses that small touch to comfort him.
He stays quiet for a time, mulling over what is said.
His other hand flexes at his side; fingers twitching almost involuntarily. He tells himself that he shouldn't be a coward. No, rather than a coward, he can't just be silent when he decides what he said was just "the start." ]
I realize now that I'm a bit like Louis... [ Softening his voice, he feels the corners of his lips curl into a half-smile. Flexing his fingers once more, he lifts his other hand. Swallowing, he reaches out to gently cup the side of Will's face; the inside of his palm feels warmer than usual as it rests against his skin. ]
... in many ways, I feel like I was still there seven years ago. It paints what I should be doing now. If Halia is rebuilt, what if it is ruined? If outrage and unreasonable hatred for you rise, what if an attempt comes? What if I can't protect anything that I care about?
[ But right now - the broken pieces of Halia and Will are in his hands. ]
I can't just be afraid. I can't live that way and not believe in a better future. I can't be like Louis and think that the best way to avoid heartache is not to attempt to build or work at anything I want.
[ His heart aches as he confesses his weakness. ]
What did we all do this for if I was going to hide away from what I cherish most?