[ It began with a favor from Eupha, as she'd quickly become well-acquainted with the palace's records room. There's a book Will has been searching for, and given that no one knew the royal records room better than her, he'd requested her assistance. The royal court initially balked at permitting a mustari unfettered access to all of Euchronia's written histories, but the newly-coronated king had pushed against those objections. It was necessary to perform her duties as magistrate judge. With that extra research, her future decisions would surely be more informed and, as a result, much fairer.
She'd handed the book over to Will with a curious look in all of her eyes, for she'd recognized the name etched on its cover. But upon Will's request to keep his search a secret, she'd merely offered a knowing smile and avoided pressing him for more information.
And so, for the past week and a half, Will has spent his meager shares of spare time holed up in his office. There, he'd spent his evenings poring over the ledger containing all the names of those who'd governed a certain countryside village.
He needs to get this right if he's to present this proposal to Strohl. It needs to be ironclad, lest he insist it would be improper or nigh nepotism for the king to approach him with this task.
So Will studies, learns that Euchronian estates are passed from generation to generation per stirpes. The tome Will hunted down contains both of Strohl's parents' names. Beneath it is Strohl's, presumably penned in as soon as he'd been brought forth into the world. No other names appear alongside Strohl's. No other names throughout the book appear alongside the same generation as Strohl's, even after following every branching path of each family tree.
The book of Halia's lords lies on Will's desk, open to the very page listing Strohl's name. Next to it is an empty journal with a slip of paper inside its front cover. Behind it all stands the king with a kind smile, one which might have those outside the kingdom questioning whether this, truly, was the one who'd ultimately led the group who bested Louis. ]
Thanks for clearing your schedule for this, General.
[ The title still feels clumsy on his tongue. Will isn't sure whether he'll ever get used to saying it. And of course Strohl had cleared his schedule to see the king, but that's neither here nor there.
Will nudges the empty book a little closer to Strohl. The sheet of paper tucked inside its front cover contains details of the recent rebuilding efforts happening across the country, particularly those that were razed by human activity. ]
I... saw that Halia was next on the list, so I looked into your village's line of succession. I hope that's okay.
[ It feels wrong, perhaps even underhanded, to pry like this. He had to be sure though, to double check that there wouldn't be any other potential claims to Halia's title. The book Eupha found for him has fortunately allayed his fears. He points to it now, his finger right next to Strohl's name. ]
If a lord wants to relinquish title to his land, it has to be in written notice and submitted to the crown. You... haven't done that though, and it doesn't look like anyone can contest your title to Halia.
[ Will glances up to gauge Strohl's expression, hoping he hasn't overstepped anything. The public would laugh, perhaps, at the sight of their king feeling concerned about being overbearing.
Will doesn't think he'd mind at all. ]
That's why I wanted your --
[ "Permission," but no -- he doesn't need that, technically, not as the rightful ruler of their kingdom. ]
[ Change does not happen overnight. It's slow and incremental - but so long as it is always one step further than the one before it, that's what matters.
His gaze, however, sometimes slides away from military doctrine and straightens out the "old-fashioned" beliefs of soldiers. He thinks of his people who still rely on him; they feel more comfortable than they did before, especially with his title, but he checks in on them often to make sure they are well.
They're always understanding of him, but he can't help feeling they've been set aside for duties to the nation. Yet if he focused too much on them, it may seem like he is attempting to offer preferential treatment to his own.
There are still people who have complaints about Will and those in power; they are waiting for a chance to launch campaigns about their corruption.
So, he would do anything to avoid criticism of the new regime and king; things were simpler when they were candidates. But for all the good that they're doing, he worries about the good they cannot because of how it would appear.
He worries if he's worrying too much and finds the humor in his circular thinking.
As such, it's nice to be called upon so he has a specific task to worry about rather than his own worries. Which he understands is nothing compared to the state of the country and the people.
He does, however, straighten his back at hearing Halia. Surprise coats his expression as he obviously didn't think this would be the topic that Will wanted to speak to him. His eyes dart from the book back to the young man's face; he isn't certain what expression he has but he thinks it is still a surprise.
His expression falls when he hears that no one has contested his title to Halia. ]
I do think there is some humor to be found... while I was being taken care of by relatives, none of them were willing to claim Halia. Perhaps, they realized that it would be too much of a hassle with their own duties to contend with, as well.
[ There is a lack of bitterness in his words. He has no reproach for them for being unwilling, because -- ]
I think it is because they were being considerate to me. Or perhaps, some machination of my father who knew what path I would take.
[ Strohl starts there. He talks about unimportant pieces of succession rather than the question of how Halia should be rebuilt. His hands clench and unclench like he wants to grab and hold tight to the book. However, he hesitates on what he is being offered. ]
Halia has been untouched for years... there's no reason to worry about this now. Since I have not given up my rights to it, I can ... we can address this matter later.
[ He folds his hands on the table, one over the other.
Hurriedly, he adds: ]
My people are being treated well and have their own land they're tending to... I'm certain they would love to return to their homes before they forget what Halia looks like, but... that isn't something I ever meant to burden you with...
[ A longer pause and with some affection: ] ... Captain.
[ Perhaps he should have informed Strohl ahead of time about his intentions. On the other hand, putting Strohl on notice would only permit him to drum up more rationalizations against the proposal. It's an ambush, so to speak, but Will justifies it by reassuring himself that telling Strohl in advance would only give him more time to agonize over a proper response.
Strohl is right though, that it's somewhat surprising that none have attempted to challenge Strohl's claim to Halia. Typically it only takes the whiff of instability for distant relatives, unheard of until that particular point, to come crawling out of the woodwork. There'd been little to stop those without any threads of lineage from usurping his title too. After all, the fact that all of Halia's buildings, its homes, its establishments, were burned to the ground, meant less upfront work for whoever wished to lay something else on top of it. Depending on who was assessing the shadows of that carnage, the ruins of Halia could be a blessing in disguise.
A pensive expression makes its way across Will's face at the mention of Strohl's father. Both of Strohl's parents seemed to be exceptionally sharp with a significant amount of faith in their son. Based on the stories alone that Strohl has shared with him, it seems crystal clear to Will where Strohl inherited both his mind and his heart. And perhaps it's because of that very heart Will knows his good friend is dodging the essence of the matter. He's prepared to cut through the fog of Strohl's doubts, to reassure Strohl that it's no trouble, no burden at all, until Strohl interrupts his line of attack with that old title. It's a masterful counter, spoken with a warmth saved for the moments spent solely within the company of each other.
And so, Will's eyes widen at the sound of it. He exhales slow, a relieved smile on his face as Strohl is the first to release him temporarily from the trappings of their roles.
Deep down, there'd been a part of him that fretted Strohl might be upset with him for bringing any of this up at all. ]
...right. It's better to have the current conversation like this, isn't it, Strohl?
[ They speak as old comrades now. Thus, where Strohl falters, Will takes the empty book into his hands and holds it out to bridge the distance. If Strohl won't take it with his own hands, Will will meet him partway. ]
It's not a burden. It's something I need to do anyways, and I'm just... getting advice from the person who'd know best what to do with Halia's land.
[ He points again at Strohl's name in the second book with his free hand. ]
It says so right here, see?
[ Still, his friend isn't one to be easily swayed. It's not like Strohl hasn't made some reasonable points. Halia's former residents had taken quite well to Grand Trad after being given their own homes by their lord. Having one's own home certainly facilitated that. It's much easier to build a life once a person knows where they will lay their head each night.
There's a fine line Will needs to walk. He doesn't want to hold Strohl hostage, to force him into a task he has no interest in performing even if there's nothing stopping him from pulling rank. But this exchange isn't taking place between King and General, and instead, between two friends who'd gone to the ends of the world for each other. ]
Besides, it... wouldn't feel right for me to delegate this task to anyone else. But I'd like for this to be on your own terms, so you should take as much time as you need to think things over.
[ His smile turns apologetic now. ]
I... know I sprung this on you out of nowhere. Sorry about that.
I suppose I'd rather have our talk like this, too.
[ Instead of General and King, he wishes to lay bare his reasons to a friend who sincerely worries about him. His shoulders droop, but not out of melancholy; it is out of the sincerity that he feels in these actions.
Strohl blinks - wordlessly, he looks at the book being offered to him. His teeth clench together as his fingers flex. He does want to take what is offered but fears all the implications of it. His chin lifts to draw his gaze away from it to Will instead.
Something you need to do.
He lets his gaze drift to the name in the second book - his own. The words trap themselves in his throat as he tries to find a reason to argue the point. ]
I can see your side of it, as well. [ He breathes out a humorless laugh. ] It feels both just yesterday and an era has passed since we started and finished our journey. [ Drawing his hands back, he starts again: ] I truly do.
... during the dinner soiree when we were "welcomed" as Louis's supporters, I had openly criticized him for his inaction in saving Halia. [ A story that Will has heard before, but he tells it, again. His head gives a small, firm shake. ] It was not a quiet discussion, either. It was to gift you more time, but also selfishly, I wanted to confront the man who was responsible for all that destruction.
[ Strohl recalls the answer that he was given. He swallows as he continues: ] I knew it was not that simple, of course. I know that even more now.
[ His eyes close. ] Halia is a footnote in the past regime's list of sins, because it is not just Louis that failed Halia. His voice might have been the loudest, but the society and power structure that was created allowed for such injustice to go uncontested.
[ His eyes open to stare at the book. ] I understand the reason why it should be rebuilt by us. To repair the damages that have been done by those who refused to protect those who needed them. [ He clenches his hands into fists and lightly strikes the surface of the table. ] There is nothing to apologize for - you're offering me something that I've wanted and hoped for seven long years.
[ His words catch in his throat. ] Yet again you offer me hope and I can see how much good it would do to have people see the wrongs done to its people being right. [ He breathes in; he lifts his hand to his face, pressing his wrist underneath his nose. ] But I also see how you could be lambasted for it. How it could be seen as an insult done to Louis... and those that still support him would see it as a way to mock or denounce his response to a criticism publicly given.
[ A beat. ] And damn it, if there is not a part of me that fears... if those events hadn't happened... I would not have been able to meet you or the others. I wouldn't have found a way to change into someone able to be at your side as a friend and confidante.
[ They are only themselves and so he can tell Will these things without shame. ] I'm sure someone would say the same... that I benefited from the destruction of Halia and I'll benefit from its reconstruction, as well.
I cannot let you suffer. [ He swallows again. ] Halia is a place I want to show you with my head held high... a place I dream of showing you, still. [ His hand lifts to reach out for the book before his hand drops to the table. ] But I fear I'm not yet worthy enough to show you those sights or offer insight on rebuilding it.
Not until I have the confidence to be able to protect you from all that will come next for your help. [ A sigh. ] I'm sorry, Will, for my answer... I don't know when I will be ready. One day I know I will be but... I don't know when.
[ Others might find themselves disappointed or crestfallen to see Strohl withdrawing his hands from the desk. Will, on the other hand, merely holds Strohl's gaze, for he'd wholeheartedly meant it when he said this decision should be made by Strohl's hand alone. After all, it has more to do with him than it does with Will. He is simply the necessary signatory to push the project along and need not be intimately involved in the intricate details, even if he did prefer to at least be kept abreast of general schematics.
And though he's heard Strohl recount that evening at Louis' soiree before, Will dedicates his entire attention towards listening to Strohl's recollections. He'd been stunned the first time he heard the story. Strohl's confrontation with Louis could have gone southward in the blink of an eye. Instead, Louis had apparently responded with cool frankness. If anything, Louis had never tried to hide any of his intentions. It seems that attitude had extended to entertaining all of Strohl's questions that night.
But here, between the two of them, there are no dressed-up words, only the weight of truth hanging in the air. For a moment, it seems as if Strohl has changed his mind to reach out for the empty book, only to allow that very hand to drop to the desk again. Even now there is not a single shade of disappointment in crystalline eyes, only serene acquiescence to Strohl's ultimate decision. ]
It's okay. ...the fact that you're willing to admit you're not ready shows me you'll get there someday.
[ Very few people would readily confess to weakness, even amongst the closest of confidants. It's an admirable trait in Will's eyes no matter how many stern lectures he's received from Hulkenberg about keeping certain pieces of information at closer guard.
Will draws the empty book inward, holding it against his chest. He'd known how acutely Strohl felt the criticism leveled against their current regime. Then again, it seems all members of the Six Partisans were more wary of it. Theirs is a fragile peace; each of them had seen with their own eyes, felt with their own hands, just how many mountains they'd had to claw their ways over to reach for it.
Will is no exception. He hears it all the time while wandering through both Sunshade Row and Sunlumeo Street. ]
I'll be all right though. I'm not made of glass. ...part of it can't be helped. Remember the things people used to say about the former king?
[ With a bit of a wry smile, he can't help but add: ]
But... in case you forgot, I'm used to people saying unkind things about me.
[ It continues even now. There are still those who shudder at the thought of an elda seated upon the throne. There are still those who recoil at the thought of bending a knee to a member of a lesser tribe that had, up until last year, been branded as worth less than the rubble around Sunshade Row.
Will reaches for the book of records and lifts one of its covers. Though he closes it to signal the near conclusion of this conversation, his fingertips still rest against the embroidered name of Strohl's former home. ]
It's all right if you don't know when. I don't mind waiting for that day, and I'll look forward to it too.
[ He'd wait an eternity if that's what it takes for Strohl to feel he has finally grown into the man he wishes to be.
There are the practical matters, however, that must be faced even with Strohl's current decision. In the blink of an eye there could be someone, anyone, who might seek to challenge Strohl's title. Eupha would likely be the first to hear of it, given that all contests of territory were now sorted through the magistrates instead of unnecessary bloodshed. There's the option, too, of Strohl attempting to reassert said title in writing, but there's probably more merit in letting sleeping dragons lie. There's no need to garner unnecessary attention towards Halia. ]
Let me know if you'd like to return there someday just to survey the land for ideas.
[ And before Strohl can protest, claiming that he wouldn't wish to burden Will with it, he pushes back in anticipation of objections with: ]
I'll ultimately be the one who chooses to approve or deny your future proposal, so I actually do need to be kept in the loop.
[ The question sounds a little hollow. He isn't sure if he will be. It's funny to think that way, of course.
Shame isn't what drives him to look away but a fondness for the past. His eyes drift up toward a corner of the room - all of them fought to ensure the land would be safe; that the people would have a chance for change; and that they could move forward positively without ignoring the sins and missteps of before.
Look forward with clear eyes and not cover up the past with sweet excuses.
So, it should be easy to agree to repairing and rebuilding Halia. It should be a matter where he need only smile and say, "Yes."
His eyebrows lift as he turns to look back at Will. His jaw bunches at the comment that he's not made of glass. He nods - the way the people talked about his father was more than unkind. But wasn't it also true? He disliked the memories that the former king showed his son.
It felt like mountains of excuses. It felt like just offering a bandaid for being unable to stop what has happened. "I'm sorry, but--" That isn't something someone who is responsible for thousands of lives should say. It's not an apology that he should give his son who is forced to put his life on the line to solve. ]
Yes... to say that it is only unkind things is putting it lightly.
[ Will has suffered a lot and Strohl had wanted to do what he could to ensure that his suffering would be minimal from here on out. Yet it seems like he treats him like he's a precious item versus a precious friend. ]
It's been a while since we've seen it together, hasn't it?
[ An idle question to what has been said. ]
You're the only one I've brought to see Halia. ] He blinks and dips his head down; like he's confessed something he shouldn't have. ] It's a precious place that I hold in my heart.
[ His mouth closes and opens: ]
We've always gone to it by way of carriage. It isn't that I don't want the others to see it, but it's important to me that -- [ He runs his hand through his hair, scratching at it furiously. ] -- the words are there, but I'm stumbling over them.
[ After a second, he says: ] Perhaps, it's the atmosphere. The scenery that causes me to babble incoherently. So... do you want to? We'll get into trouble and it's unbecoming of your general to ask, but as your friend...
[ He tips his chin up. ] ... shall we sneak away to see Halia?
[ "Of course," is what Will would like to say. It means Strohl is aware of his shortcomings, even if some of them are a little exaggerated when described by him, in Will's frank opinion. But it means Strohl's come a long way from where Will initially overheard him being recruited into the royal army.
It's not Will's responsibility to persuade Strohl. His friend will arrive at his own conclusion someday. The most he can do is give Strohl the space to contemplate and, perhaps someday, to reach for that empty book with his own two hands.
Still, Strohl remains the sort who takes noblesse oblige with the utmost seriousness. Even where the others had empathized with his father's downfall after losing his loved ones, Strohl was unafraid to voice his disappointment in the man. Not even Will could blame him despite being the one who ultimately had to pick up fractured pieces of the country. But Strohl? Strohl had no qualms with putting his foot down and asserting that not just the country, but Will, had deserved far better from the king.
Will would never blame him, but there'd been a part of his heart that swelled at the fact that Strohl came to his defense even if unnecessary. And those same spirits lifted a bit each time Strohl stepped in front of Will, daring others to repeat their comments in the presence of a clemar.
Yet, those feelings had intertwined with others. ]
You know, Strohl, early on... I used to get worried. I didn't like the thought others might look down on you for associating with me.
[ He'd realized though, it's just like the decision Strohl faced now. The choice to cut in, the choice to defend him: both had been squarely Strohl's decision to make.
And now, he supposes Strohl has done more than merely associate with him, all the way down to admitting he'd never shown his hometown, near-and-dear to him, to anyone else. Will's own lips part ever so slightly at that confession. No one else, then, has sat side by side with Strohl, gazing out at the serene aftermath of that tragedy.
He offers Strohl a smile as he draws the book of names a little closer to him, enough to set it aside with the empty one. ]
I have time since I cleared the rest of my day for this conversation.
[ Perhaps there'd been a part of him awaiting that offer. ]
I'll leave Hulkenberg a note.
[ He can see her already in his mind's eye, huffing in dismay as soon as she's realized the king has quietly slipped away again. ]
...and I'll let her know you won't know where to find me either.
[ It doesn't take long for him to scrawl out that memo. He leaves it on the desk before grabbing his coat, leading Strohl to the nidia carriage-driver who'd quickly become their getaway carriage for said escapades. The man's iridescent eyes always had a particular glint in them any time Will requested his services with Strohl close in tow, but to this day that man's lips remained sealed.
It's not a particularly long trip, though it certainly helps that Will prioritized fixing up the roads. He'd reasoned that the free flow of travel not only facilitated commerce, but also aided in spreading ideas, sowing the seeds of change across every town and every city.
Halia is the same as ever, blades of grass billowing gently in the mild breeze. Piles of rubble where houses once stood tall cast their solemn shadows across the floor. Here laid the irrefutable proof of the prior rule's sins, and yet the scent of fresh air compared to the city has always filled Will with a certain tranquility. It's not so different from the Eldan Sanctum, he supposes, all the way down to being demolished in a hellish blaze.
They stand here as friends instead of those spearheading the coming of a new era. And since this is Strohl's old home, Will looks to Strohl to lead on now. ]
Even if they did, I knew they were voices not worth hearing.
[ Even if.
He's certain many did. A clemar associating with an elda was seen as something shameful. The question of how he could debase himself came and went, but it is as he said; their voices and questions were not worth listening or answering.
If they could see all that Will had done and accomplished yet felt no stirring in their chest to follow; they were hopeless. Strohl is ... glad that he's learned to temper his words; he has learned how to look before he leaps, but it has come with its own hardships.
Now he looks too far and sees cliff falls where there are none. ]
... ah.
[ He can't help but smile that Will devoted so much time to this; it leaves him humbled in more ways than one.
Of course, the humbled feeling fades to concern about escaping before Hulkenberg comes to look for them. He can imagine the things that she will say: Strohl's supposed to be the responsible one - not the one who leads the king astray.
He covers his mouth as he whispers some prayer and promises that he'll bring back some cuisine for her. It won't ease any hard feelings, he knows; she isn't someone who can be soothed with good food. But he believes beyond the words of an apology there should be an action to show how sorry he is for whatever gray hairs they give her. ]
Let's go!
[ It still doesn't stop him from taking Will's hand as they leave.
Which in hindsight seems silly, he held his hand to the carriage before they jumped in. The ride itself isn't unpleasant, at least; it feels comfortable. Familiar. Right. There isn't a sense of dread welling up in him as they make the journey.
When they step out, he keeps going in silence before saying: ]
I must confess when I first brought you here... I felt some dread. I don't know why... this is my home. This is what I want to protect. It's what I want to rebuild. If I can't show you this, what can I show you of myself?
[ He presses his lips together. ]
Perhaps, the shame comes from knowing how I was back then. How spoiled I was. I told you of it, but somehow, I feared that you'd be able to sense and tell what sort of rotten youth I was. Maybe fear that something of that was still in me.
[ His head turns before he walks to a ruined wall - his hand gently runs along the stone. ]
I couldn't protect my home. It sticks with me still... how I couldn't protect something so precious to me. I understand at my age that I couldn't, but... it's a fear that stays no matter how much time has passed.
[ He clenches his fist. ]
You're a precious friend... not some trinket I must keep safe! I know this to be true and yet...! Yet I fear if I don't do everything I can that I may ... lose you. [ His head drops. ] Those feelings tie deeply into how I feel about Halia and it... while in that room... it muddled things inside.
[ His head bobs once; it feels good to start there. ]
[ He avoids immediately following Strohl to the crumbling wall, instead opting to remain at a distance. From here, he can observe the entirety of his friend's body language, all while listening with a pensive expression as he considers each and every one of Strohl's words. Strohl at the very least deserves that much, deserves even more if one were to ask Will.
"You were so young. It couldn’t be helped." Will thinks, but those are unnecessary words to breathe into existence. It's something that Strohl already knows. Bringing it up again is a pointless endeavor, and the fact that nothing could be done back then does not make it any better. One might even argue the helplessness is precisely what makes it worse. ]
It sticks with you, and it might never go away.
[ It's a different set of ruins and wreckage, but his own hometown — no, the forest sanctum that had been once been the prince’s home — had burned to the ground. There’d been nothing the prince could have done, nothing he could have salvaged with his small palms.
It's times like this when he must remind himself that those memories are not his own, and if he were ever to forget, the sudden sharp pangs of phantom pain radiating from his chest and down his arms from time to time are enough of a reminder that even this very body hadn’t belonged to him. Even if he'd initially lived as a vessel of the prince's soul, that life, those memories, they did not belong to him.
Yet those thoughts, those memories, did they not exist within him as well? They are his own too. They can be his own, or at the very least he can pretend they are his own, if it creates the channel and foundation to comfort his closest friend. ]
It used to scare me too, that I might see the massacre "he" witnessed at the Eldan Sanctum repeated elsewhere.
[ Will draws nearer now, footfalls muffled by the overgrown grass. He reaches out to rest a gentle hand atop Strohl's clenched fist, not to persuade Strohl into letting go of the fears that grip his heart, but to coax him into sharing them with him. There'd been plenty of lessons to learn during their journey, but perhaps one of the most important ones was that anxiety and negative emotion was not to be feared. After all, as goes light, so goes darkness; as goes darkness, so goes light.
He runs the pad of his thumb over each of Strohl's knuckles before coming to rest it against the back of Strohl's hand. ]
...I'm still scared sometimes, but it's a little less knowing that I have you and the others at my side.
[ He'd like to say he understands, that he knows what it feels like to be afraid of witnessing what someone loved and cherished crumbling to the ground. How terribly it must weigh upon one's soul to know that one's life had been traded for several others. And yet, he cannot say that he does not know, not when so many of his memories cross over the line of where the Prince ended and where Will began.
Will turns his face upwards, an encouraging smile resting upon his lips. ]
I'd like if I could do the same for you.
[ Strohl may rue his weakness, but Will finds it is a welcome opportunity for him to offer his cherished person a shoulder to lean on. There are plenty of objections he could raise. Strohl has observed him in battle several times, clawing his way to victory alone if necessary. He has watched him weather several impossibly challenging fights, and they'd been at each other's sides during the ultimate standoff against Louis' twisted form.
But this — what Strohl fears must be more complex. A spotlight shines upon the new king. There will be politically charged character assassinations leveled towards him, let alone plenty of actual future assassination attempts. There's already plenty of precedent, given the fates of the prior king and his heir. The people will scorn him, their tongues and words coated in poisons as soon as the country’s and their own fortunes take a turn for the worse. His inevitable future shortcomings will be aired in the sunlight, exaggerated and spread across the land through attention-grabbing headlines.
His fingers curl around Strohl's hand now, offering it a reassuring squeeze. ]
Maybe those feelings will never go away, because fear and grief — that's the price of cherishing something, isn't it? You... wouldn't fear losing something you didn't care about. So it's all right.
[ His head droops at what is said; he knows it to be true. Even if Halia is rebuilt, it could fall. His hand unclenches - fingers digging slightly into the stone - before clenching once more. Could it be that he's afraid that he'll let them down once more?
A broken sigh slips out; it holds so much of his anguish in barely any sound. He breathes in, and hears how his breathing shakes; he doesn't yet cry but feels his throat closing.
Yet he's able to refocus his stare at Will. His expression twists at hearing the massacre at the Eldan Sanctum. He swallows; the fires of that day haunted Louis, as well. Yet where it twisted one of them; it gifted another the desire to help.
And Louis never left that horror.
Strohl realizes his own folly in an instant; he, too, is still trapped back there. Yet he's started to walk away from that day. He doesn't pull his hand away when Will rests his hand over his; instead, he watches how his fingers move; how he uses that small touch to comfort him.
He stays quiet for a time, mulling over what is said.
His other hand flexes at his side; fingers twitching almost involuntarily. He tells himself that he shouldn't be a coward. No, rather than a coward, he can't just be silent when he decides what he said was just "the start." ]
I realize now that I'm a bit like Louis... [ Softening his voice, he feels the corners of his lips curl into a half-smile. Flexing his fingers once more, he lifts his other hand. Swallowing, he reaches out to gently cup the side of Will's face; the inside of his palm feels warmer than usual as it rests against his skin. ]
... in many ways, I feel like I was still there seven years ago. It paints what I should be doing now. If Halia is rebuilt, what if it is ruined? If outrage and unreasonable hatred for you rise, what if an attempt comes? What if I can't protect anything that I care about?
[ But right now - the broken pieces of Halia and Will are in his hands. ]
I can't just be afraid. I can't live that way and not believe in a better future. I can't be like Louis and think that the best way to avoid heartache is not to attempt to build or work at anything I want.
[ His heart aches as he confesses his weakness. ]
What did we all do this for if I was going to hide away from what I cherish most?
[ Strohl has never been shy about noting or admitting his own shortcomings. He is the sort to firmly stand by his beliefs, even if they overlapped with his enemy's own ideology. In fact, he'd been the first to confess that he concurred with some of the principles Louis espoused.
It's that honest heart of his which is beautiful to Will.
His fingers remain curled around Strohl's hand as his eyes drift shut for a moment, taking in the sensation of Strohl's warm palm against his face. The calluses on it gently press against Will's skin, yet another reminder of how fervently they'd all fought for this tenuous peace. And even after ushering in a new era, there still remained corners of the kingdom which knew no rest. Even now, humans continued to roam the lands.
Those places deserve to be brought into the sunlight, just as Halia would someday stand proud yet again. Will knows just how deeply Strohl cherishes this place. He'd worn a reminder of it upon his back, his blade mounted there as well, perhaps a constant reminder of how defending something precious required using one's own hands. Yet another reminder hangs around Strohl's neck, metal resting against his sternum to match the crest inked upon his shoulder. ]
It's not a bad thing to be prepared.
[ Will's eyes are open once again as he lifts his free hand to rest it atop Strohl's. ]
But... don't let despair swallow why you felt something was worth protecting in the first place.
[ In truth, assassination attempts don't quite make it far to the forefront of Will's mind. It's why he can confidently slip away into the city donning the barest of disguises. But if it would offer Strohl some peace of mind, perhaps he can begin requesting Strohl's company during his escapades.
Will returns Strohl's smile with one of his own. The frankness permitted by the privacy of Halia is refreshing compared to the trappings of the palace. He can only hope that discussing things unfettered has lightened the weight that's been crushing Strohl's shoulders. ]
I meant it when I said take all the time you need. Though, I hope you see now that someday --
[ Will's words catch in his throat as a sharp pain radiates from his chest. He recognizes the sensation, silently lamenting the fact that this seems to crop up at the most inconvenient of times. The hand atop Strohl's suddenly clenches it tight, the one wrapped around Strohl's hand letting it go as though it had suddenly taken on the temperature of a hot iron. His fingers grasp at his chest instead, breath trembling as his eyes squeeze shut while clinging to Strohl for support.
Despite the agony, Will inhales and grounds himself, eyes opening again as he forces his smile to return while desperately catching his breath. ]
I'm okay, I just -- I need a minute --
[ It's not the first time it's happened, but their respective duties have kept them apart more than Will would have liked, kept them apart for far too long for the phantom pain to strike in front of Strohl. It must be frightening for Strohl to witness, he thinks, even if Will knows the flare-up will pass soon enough.
Yet another reminder he supposes of how, in those quiet moments when he is alone, he still hesitates to truly call himself Euchronia's prince. ]
[ His voice softens as he agrees that it's good to be prepared.
He lets his eyes drift to the hand covering his own. It feels very much like that same hand has its fingers wrapped around his heart. Comforting and reassuring.
Strohl blinks and his eyes are back on Will's. He can feel how his eyebrows lift; how new light must be shining in the way that he looks at him. It's not a shame that takes him but a clear path of how to solve his fears. ]
Ah --
[ His voice starts to interrupt that he will take the next few days to think more thoroughly about the proposal. Certainly, he can take all the time he needs, but this talk; this push is what he truly requires to start to make his decision.
Yet those thoughts cease almost immediately.
He sucks his breath in as soon as he sees Will in pain. Copying what was done for him; his hand automatically goes to rest over his friend's. Gripping onto the one that holds onto his heart. His other hand drops from his face to hold onto his shoulder.
Strohl knows that he's saying his name over and over in increasing frantic panic: "Will? Will! Will!" ]
How can you say that you need just a minute?
[ An intense desire to do something overtakes him. Stop thinking! There are times when he should think and times when he should act. He doesn't quite know what he should do, but simply standing and holding onto Will's hand isn't enough.
Releasing his hold on his hand and shoulder, he switches instead to hold him close. There's no time to worry about courtesy and how the act could be viewed as disrespectful; he instead looks to find a place for him to sit, to recover, without worrying about standing. ]
You're right. I'll be all right. Just --
[ It's what he can say as he twists his head around; searching for a place of soft ground to let him rest. Rubble, rubble, everywhere; so if there is no place suitable for their needs - he will hold him close instead; let him recover in his arms if need be. His heart beats rapidly, frantically; holding him close, he drops his head to rest it next to Will's.
Rest on me. Even if your legs give out, I'll carry you. You've believed in me this far, and so whatever distance you need, I'll take you. ]
[ It starts with a tightness in his chest which gripped his lungs, all while the prickle and sting of ghost briars cascaded down his arms, leaving the blood in his veins with a distinct chill. The frequency of flare-ups truly had lessened over time, but that came with the tradeoff of making their occurrences more unpredictable. Until now, Will managed to shut himself away at the first signs of trouble, trembling in the privacy of his personal chambers and waiting for the sensations to subside.
Perhaps that's why the residual effects of the curse seem to retreat faster, staved off by the warmth encircling his form. Eventually, the shudder in shoulders eases away, his breath evening out and coming in a steadier tempo. He shifts a bit in Strohl's arms while regaining his sense of footing again, exhaling as he realizes the hand over his chest is covered in Strohl's palm. ]
Sorry, that -- that happens sometimes. I... think I'm okay now though.
[ Yet, he makes no move to pull himself away, wondering whether it would be too self-indulgent to leave his head resting a little longer against that stalwart shoulder. If Strohl finds issue in him keeping the condition a secret, Will thinks he deserves the full weight of Strohl's anger.
The less that people knew though, the better. It would do the country no good to see something ailed their current king. It was of the utmost importance that a fledgling regime's leader project strength. Even now, Louis' remaining supporters whispered they could not truly believe an elda with such a slight form could best the Louis Guiabern in combat. It is not Strohl's fault that all walls have ears, that sharing such information risked leaking it into the rumor mills of both Sunlumeo Street and Sunshade Row.
In fact, only Heismay had been privy to the truth, for Will could not hide the sounds of shifts in his breathing each time it occurred from the eugief's sharp ears.
It's a blessing in disguise that it's happened out here instead of the palace, away from prying eyes awaiting the king's first misstep. But now that Strohl has seen it in full force, he supposes his closest confidant deserves an explanation. ]
It... started after I returned to the prince's body. The curse was lifted, but it still remembers how it felt for all those years.
[ After all, that body had lived with said curse for years and years, the torment associated with it leaving its marks behind even now.
And though his face remains obscured from Strohl, there's a sheepish smile that rests upon it. ]
In a sense, I guess this body still belongs to him.
[ A faint reminder of those times he'd caught his reflection early on, the shock of pale hair instead of deep blue occasionally startling him. There'd been little time to dwell on it though, back when the fate of Euchronia was at stake. ]
[ Outrage rolls up his back but he holds back the words that might come spilling out. Instead, his body only poses to start to say something yet his head drops instead. Strohl breathes out and he realizes the tightness in his chest is not only from anxiety and fear but because he stopped breathing in those few moments.
He didn't want to miss any sound, any hint, that may come from Will to help him. ]
Happens sometimes? How - does Hulkenberg know?
[ Somehow, the red-haired knight comes to mind first. He already knows the answer would be "no;" her worry and guilt for what happened to him before would cloud her judgment now. His shoulders droop as he understands that Will wouldn't want to worry his people, his friends, and that is why he can keep his outrage down.
Few, if any, of Will's actions have been out of malice or narcissism. But -- ]
Why do you have to carry so much on your own? No -- I don't mean say you don't think we're trustworthy. I know you better than that, but --
[ His head tips up as he realizes something odd in the way that Will speaks. He hasn't pulled away from him, either; he doesn't even think the closeness is odd or troublesome. If anything, he would feel like he'd worry more if they suddenly parted. ]
To him? The prince?
[ The hand that gripped his shoulder reaches up to rest against his face as it did before; his voice and questions are soft. Not really searching for answers for what he's saying but letting himself feel the deep pain of what is being implied. ]
Will -- that's you. That's still you.
[ He blinks rapidly; his lips press together into a thin line. His head turns slightly, staring at the rubble around him, and breathes in deep. ]
You are our prince, our king. You fought for yourself. This body -- it's yours. It's you.
[ No, he couldn't burden Hulkenberg with an extra concern, not when his condition might be an unintentional slight to her in particular. She'd confided to him once that there were times when she still awoke in a cold sweat, heart racing, over the memory of her failure to protect the prince in his youth. Over the memory of her failure to protect him. All he could do was try to smile, to reassure her that the prince was still alive and well, for he was standing before her, was he not? In that moment, he could even persuade himself that it had been that very same prince who'd been crowned upon that stage.
Will shakes his head, even as it continues to rest against Strohl's shoulder. ]
Only Heismay. I... couldn't keep it from him, not with how good his hearing is.
[ He can speak freely only because they are not here as ruler and liege. For the time being, there is no King and there is no General, only Will and Strohl. There is no King and there is no General, and perhaps that's why Will finds he can lean into Strohl's touch without any qualms. ]
I didn't want to take on the name Hythlodaeus VI after my coronation. I wanted my name to mark the start of a new era, but... it didn't feel right to me either. Not when that name should have gone to him.
[ Still, relief wells within him upon hearing Strohl assert that he's always been Will even after he'd become one with the prince's physical form. But Strohl had sworn as much, hadn't he? After Louis had corrupted his form, Strohl promised he would not fall victim to any doubts about Will's identity.
Even now, where Will falters, Strohl keeps that promise. ]
My memories -- they weren't real at all. I was just a vessel, even if I did carry his hopes and dreams. ...when I realized nothing I knew about myself was true, I thought -- maybe Louis was right. Maybe I did trick everyone around me into thinking I was someone who didn't exist.
[ He sighs, a weary smile resting on his face. ]
But... you're right. Our journey was real. The person you came to know is real.
[ There's a small exhale now, a quiet laugh escaping from Will. ]
Thank you, Strohl. We came here to give you ideas for seeing Halia renewed, but here I am leaning on you instead.
Guess it would be impossible for him not to hear...
[ Especially since he's certain Will wouldn't be able to time when these attacks occur. Heismay would also know better than to break his trust by telling anyone else; he is the kind of figure that will protect and shelter anyone until they are ready themselves. ]
While I understand those feelings some... [ Strohl pauses, fingers tapping lightly on his shoulders; he realizes they're still close but hasn't pulled away. It feels wrong to - more than any action that he could do. ] ... that name and this is yours. But if you feel more yourself as "Will"... there's nothing else to say, is there?
[ He lightly shakes his head side-to-side when he says that he tricked everyone into thinking he was someone who didn't exist. His hands grip tighter onto him, afraid that he might truly fade away. Maybe, that, too, is why he can't pull himself away.
But he does feel some relief when he admits their journey and who he is is real. ]
You can lean on me as much as you want... as much as you need. The heavens only know how often I have relied on you even when I knew you had your own struggles and troubles. [ He runs his tongue over his lips. ] Yet you cared and looked after us as we fumbled through. I'm certain I'm not the only one who would attribute knowing you as to why they could change into someone they're proud of being, Will.
Little by little, you've changed all of our lives for the better... you've changed us for the better... you carried the weight of saving yourself, the kingdom, and- and - fighting to be king... to being king... you let us support you with these duties and tasks, but still, I fear you let yourself stand alone.
[ His mouth offers a sad smile. ] Much like myself. I anguish alone rather than want to worry others... because there is still so, so much more to do, but... what are we if not friends? If not companions? If ... if not precious to one another?
[ It's a difficult tale to explain to one who hadn't personally witnessed that moment deep within the Eldan Sanctum. After all, even Will realizes how far-fetched it sounds, the fact that he'd been born from a divine relic, magla that sprung forth from the prince's heart which coalesced into corporeal form. That soul had traversed the land, ultimately returning to rescue his original self.
Yet if all memories are individual threads spun together into the tapestry of the self, what of the person whose life was spun from imaginary fabrics?
The truth continues to be obscured from the public. Despite carrying the prince's soul and inheriting his physical form, there would surely be an uproar upon the discovery that the current king had once shared more in common with a dragon than with the average person meandering down Sunlumeo Street. On the other hand, Will supposes there is some comfort in the fact that he'd truly earned his title. And someday, there'd stand another who managed to garner the public's trust as his future successor.
The smile on his face hasn't faltered just yet. It remains as Strohl holds onto him tighter, even if Will's face continues to be obscured from his sight. ]
Of course you relied on me. ...a candidate who can't shoulder all of that is one that isn't worth anyone's support.
[ He won't call them "burdens" because that term didn't fit at all. Everyone's struggles, their troubles -- they hadn't been things that weighed him down, not when he willingly and gladly encircled them with his own arms, bearing them for a little while until they were prepared to face those demons themselves. ]
You... remember what you said about about my Father, don't you? Back when we were in the palace in the sky.
[ It still feels strange to call that clemar man his Father, even if it were true. It's strange using that familial term for a man he barely knew.
There is a chasm of difference though between himself and King Hythlodaeus V, the wizened king who'd deteriorated from isolation. It is why Will can lift his head now to turn his face towards Strohl, aquamarine gaze tinted with quiet affection. ]
Maybe I don't need to worry about that yet. Or ever. Not when I have such reliable allies at my side.
[ He offers Strohl's arm a reassuring squeeze. ]
And besides, I think I'm a little better at delegating now.
[ But they're not here as King and General, and Strohl asks that he do more than seek aid from him as one of his Partisans, seeking support from him not only within their duties but even beyond that. Will's eyes drift shut as he takes in each of his friend's questions, every single one of them carefully constructed to emphasize the mutuality of their regard for each other. Friends, companions, one who is so very precious to the other that their existence is irreplaceable -- those sentiments have Will holding onto Strohl a little tighter as well. ]
...you're right, Strohl. I guess it's only fair, since I'd like for you to continue doing the same and sharing whatever weighs on you.
[ He lowers his arms for a moment, enough to let him tug one of his black gloves off his hand before lifting it again with his pinkie raised. The sleeve of his white coat falls ever so slightly, revealing a sliver of the iridescent blue band that rarely leaves his wrist. ]
I'll promise to share if you do too.
[ There's a brief pause as warmth rises in his cheeks. ]
...Maria showed me this is what you do to make a promise with someone.
[ If he couldn't carry the weight of the people that he cared for, how could he carry the weight of the entire country?
He blinks at the question. A moment of apology comes and goes, but he soon nods that he remembers what he said about him. He didn't want the man to just give excuses for why things did not go his way. The corner of his mouth twists, as he understands Will, too, does not want to give any excuses for why something may not work out. ]
You're right. You won't ever have to worry about such a situation... we will never leave you on your own. But more than that, you're someone who would not give in...
[ When they all abandoned the ship to cut Will a path to Louis, they believed in him. It was also what he had feared the most. Everyone falling and failing; all of them losing their lives. And Will possibly dying alone. Yet -- he did not recall feeling fear in that moment. His heart felt light and at ease, because of that faith that he had in him.
Even if he fell, he did his duty as a noble, as a friend, as someone who loved him; he did all that he could and knew that he could rely on him to do the rest.
Certainly, they were all saved and carried on to the end, but in those seconds when life was uncertain, he felt such warmth -- that is what Will has given them. A belief in something - in someone - more than themselves. So -- ]
It means the world to me that you view yourself as real... as yourself... as a person... because of the hope that you've given all of us in our lowest moments.
[ A brief smile. ]
It'd be wrong of me to change now, wouldn't it, Captain?
[ A softness grows in his stare as he looks at the band on his wrist. He feels a heat rise up the back of his neck and nearly come out as a blush upon his face. He pulled his hand back so that he could rub the side of his face. ]
When you put it like that... I can't say no.
[ He breathes out and in.
The landscape isn't perfect, but this is the place that has meant the most to both of them. It's where he concluded what he should do; when he talked of his future; where they both dreamed together of Halia and what awaited them. How he decided to be a better man than he was yesterday - to always take one more step forward. ]
It's a bit unorthodox... but I suppose I have been courting you for little over a year now... still... [ He reaches his hand out to wrap his pinky around Will's, squeezing their fingers together. A small laugh escapes him. ] ... I promise to share these troubles with you. I promise to listen to yours. And I promise to as I have always... hold you deeply in my heart.
[ Everyone had been prepared to put their lives on the line, all for the sake of raising him to Euchronia's throne. It's why Will had responded in the affirmative, that he understood Strohl's proposal for the rest of them to hang back and hold the line. He'd sworn to himself that he would not let the others' sacrifice be in vain, and yet there'd been a distinct ache in his chest, the sudden reminder that from the very beginning there hadn't been any guarantee everyone would make it to the very end. They could pledge to each other that they'd reach for and seize victory at one another's sides, but until they actually arrived at that horizon it would remain as an unknown.
There is no need to dwell on what it might be like, pursuing his rule utterly alone. That struggle had already come to pass. They'd won, and it was a victory they'd fought for tooth and nail. ]
I couldn't --
[ No, that's not quite right. ]
I... didn't want to give in. Not when all of you decided to entrust the future to me.
[ It's the least he could do to repay everyone for their steadfast faith. If that was the case, then shouldn't the same rationale apply to his doubts about himself? There were times when shadows cast themselves across his heart, those moments typically following the sudden phantom pain, or when he'd caught his reflection in the mirror while feeling a little fatigued.
Early on and in the privacy of his own chambers, he'd spent time examining and acquainting himself with his form in a large looking glass. How strange it was, to go from a body that certainly looked and felt like flesh but was in actuality composed of magla. Perhaps that had been why he was struck with a sudden pain upon the King unleashing his royal magic, the magla flowing through his physical form seizing in the presence of a more powerful force. Yet, that form, that amalgamation of magla's experiences, that person -- it formed the basis of the prince's id, ego, and superego. ]
...I'm getting better at remembering, but your Captain might need a reminder from time to time.
[ He supposes this counts as one. Strohl smiles at him, leaving Will certainly feeling as though he and the former prince were one and the same. Strohl would not offer such a tender expression to a stranger.
That comment as Strohl reaches out with his hand to lock their pinkies together -- it leaves Will blinking before the expression gives way to something warm. ]
I... was wondering about that, actually. I wasn't sure though, not when it feels like you've treated me that way from the start.
[ He hadn't ventured to ask Strohl about it, not wishing to place his closest companion on the spot. And in truth, it was difficult to tell given that Strohl had exhibited such care and earnestness towards him even upon their initial meeting. ]
You've always had a way with words, so I guess I'll be stealing your promises.
[ Just like how he'd stolen Strohl's wishes while standing at his side before the Eht Ria bonfires.
Their oath is complete, but Will finds he doesn't want to let go of Strohl's finger just yet. It's rare that they find the opportunity to indulge in even the slightest of intimacy, leaving Will relishing what little they can enjoy out here. Out here, he can ignore the fact that he'll inevitably be accosted with future marriage proposals from nobles across the continent, their families all eager to elevate their house's status into the royal family. Out here, he can ignore the fact that the people may criticize a relationship that further consolidates power within the Six Partisans, given how there'd already been complaints about Will's decision to promote his immediate allies into his inner governing circle.
It doesn't matter out here where they're simply the elda who'd once been a lowly traveling boy and a clemar from a fallen countryside house.
Will shifts his hand twisting it ever so slightly until his palm meets Strohl's, fingers grasping onto Strohl's hand. ]
I like when you call me "Captain." It reminds me of the time we spent with everyone else. I wouldn't mind you calling me by my name too though, if you can accept dropping formalities.
Edited (added new icons and now All my icons in threads are a mess WHATEVER) Date: 2024-12-15 08:56 pm (UTC)
[ In a moment, Strohl understands the weight of what they put on Will's shoulders by staying behind. It is not an easy burden to carry; he knows better than most the trauma and pain of being trusted to create a bright future while those he cares for die to keep him and others safe.
But an apology doesn't sound right - not now. Not when they're all together. It is and isn't something to say sorry for. Yet he realizes that it does need to be said. The years he spent punishing himself for abandoning Halia and his parents were brutal at best. Yet the letter that Will helped him find eased that pain immensely. ]
I'm sorry for almost leaving you to handle the rest. I knew that you wouldn't give in. I knew that you'd hold all our dreams and futures close and ensure they come true. But I'm sorry for those brief moments when you thought you wouldn't see them with us.
[ It isn't an apology for believing in him or weighing him down; it's for the possible future that he saw where he had to carry on without any allies by his side.
Still -- still -- Strohl believed Will would not make the same mistakes as his father did. He had seen the missteps the previous king had; how it had nearly destroyed the country. The person he loved would not falter and bring ruin even if he was alone. And he can't say he'd be alone. Gallica and Neuras would still be with him.
All the revelations that have come forward and more will probably still keep being found. It is not as though they've uncovered every plot and scheme - they've merely dealt with a great majority of them. Much like finding out that Will still struggles with the pains of the curse; he supposes it would have been too easy for it to have just gone away. Would it be too much for him to say that pain lets him know he's real? He's here? That there will always be a hand ready to hold his when he needs it?
Maybe it's too soon to say all that but he can say: ]
And I'll remember you as often as you need.
[ His face does scrunch up when Will indicates he was wondering about his courting. He feels his shoulders droop but it is because he wants to say that it's his first time trying and he has no intention of "getting better" with anyone else. But it seems the confusion comes not with how he's courting but Will not realizing he was being courted at all.
He opens his mouth and lets out a small ah noise.
Strohl does find it in himself to smile - feels the corner of his eyes crinkle at how he's praised for how he speaks. There was a time when he stumbled over his words. Not quite literally but he spoke before he thought. Now he thinks too much before he speaks. One day, he hopes there will be a middle ground. But he supposes so long as he's alive - he too will always get a little better than the day he was before.
At least, he can finally tell Will what he's been doing.
And the two of them hold hands; he feels some excitement build in his chest just being close to him like this. In his mind, he thinks of how this would look if Halia was back to what it was. The two precious keepsakes in his heart well and thriving together. Their hands are soon together, and he grasps his hand in the same way.
His eyes widen at the request. With his free hand, he covers his mouth and looks away briefly -- attempting to use the hand on his mouth to partially cover up his face. ]
The way you speak so freely like that... it's what makes me love you more. [ His stomach twists pleasantly at his confession. ] It also means I should have been just as free with what I was doing. [ He drops his free hand from his mouth. ]
[ And though the apology isn't exactly necessary, Will listens to each earnest plea for atonement. They make their way into his heart and nestle deep within it, all while it cradles the knowledge that Strohl held such unflinching faith in him. That same faith is precisely what allows Will to lean on him, to trust in each future reassurance that Strohl will inevitably offer.
It is his heart, the one that stuttered in his chest when Strohl first stepped before him at the recruitment center in his defense, the one that swelled as his companion bent his knee to lift the Euchronian crown into his hands.
But in truth, Will holds every word that ever leaves Strohl's lips close to his heart, including his companion's confessed appreciation for his free-spiritedness. It's a good thing then, Will thinks, that such a trait seems to come naturally to him, one who'd been born from the prince's desire to someday witness Euchronia's lands and to traverse them with his own two feet. ]
It's okay. You can start now.
[ His hand is warm in Strohl's grasp. Their fingers intertwine as he feels himself secured, a humble ship moored to a dock sturdy enough to weather any storm that might strike the shore. Should he ever lose his way, he need only look towards the light in Strohl's amber eyes, for they cut through the night, guiding his ship home where he will never need to doubt his own identity. This hand in Strohl's grasp -- it is his, and his alone.
Warmth rises in his own cheeks as Strohl finally speaks once more, the hand partially obscuring the other's face finally dropping away to offer Will a proper look at the words forming upon Strohl's lips. He does not ask whether he is permitted to hold Will dear to him, nor does he merely speak his affections into existence. The careful construction of that question must be intentional, a declaration that Strohl has cherished him for awhile. ]
Of course.
[ Will squeezes Strohl's hand, a soft smile spreading upon his face. ]
Of course you can.
[ And before Strohl has the opportunity to wonder just how much longer he should continue courting him, and before his mind becomes crowded with unnecessary thoughts, Will tugs him forward by the hand. His other hand latches onto the lapel of Strohl's coat, pulling his companion downwards to his height. He surges forward, crystalline eyes shut as he presses his lips against Strohl's. There's a hunger and an ardor in how firmly he grasps onto Strohl, unabashed in his fervor now that he's been granted permission.
This is his. The staccato pulse and heady rush surging through his veins upon finally being granted the freedom to embrace the one who'd been at his side from what was practically the start -- this is him. These thoughts, these feelings of longing finally fulfilled: they are his, and his alone.
Against Strohl's lips, he whispers something more: ]
Promise me that you'll continue, Strohl; promise me you won't ever stop.
It equally warms his heart that he can keep loving him. The way that he squeezes his hand makes his chest ache in the same way.
Just before he can start to think of how he'll court him properly now that Will knows his intentions - he's pulled forward. He doesn't quite take a stumbling step closer to him; it is more a half-shuffle. His eyes widen as the lapel of his coat is grabbed. He's pulled down before he can fully understand the situation.
The kiss he's given mirrors the same hunger and longing that he's felt for years. It drums in his very being. He doesn't hesitate this time - his free hand reaching up to cup the back of Will's head, pulling him closer. His eyes finally closing to sink deeper into the feeling of their mouths together; the warmth, softness, and affection felt in a simple gesture.
They pull back just enough and he hears what he has to say - that soft whisper and he swallows in turn. ]
I promise you.
[ It is almost a drunken reply, but he is firm in his resolve. ]
Of course, I won't.
[ The longing burns deeper inside him. It's a longing that comes from wanting to hold him even closer, to be even closer with him. They have so little distance between them and yet it seems like too much.
A selfish, delirious thought hits him that Halia should have been restored sooner for there is nowhere he can show all of these feelings. Well, nowhere beyond pulling Will close again to kiss him; to take his breath away as his own breath has been taken.
I love you. Those words in his head make his heart feel that much tighter. It's filled with hope, adoration, and fear. To love someone so openly is to know something might take it away. But that just means - he must do what he can to hold him that much closer.
[ A simple gesture it may be, and yet it is more than enough to satisfy Will. Strohl pulls him in closer, a gentle hand at the back of his head guiding and encouraging him to indulge deeper. He can't help but lean in a bit as Strohl pulls back, reluctant to part but acquiescing all the same. The brief pause is worth every second though; the three words and their follow-up breathed from Strohl's lips leave Will's heart shuddering within his chest.
And before he can urge Strohl to show him how seriously he intends to keep that promise, his companion is already pulling him in close again. Here, there is no Euchronian King, only the lone elda who has become Strohl's willing recipient of all his affections. In turn, Strohl is rewarded with a pleased sigh as Will's arms wrap around him, fingers grasping at his coat against his back.
They'll return to Grand Trad later with one extra secret held within their hearts. But out here where Halia once stood, it's easier for Will to feel as though they were on their journey from the past, where they were merely a traveling boy and a fallen noble. Details and particulars can come later, even if it does not change the fact that moments like this may be fewer and far between.
That truth only serves to fuel the newly-lit flame of ardor within Will. Before, it existed as warm embers, content to live on into perpetuity in that muted form if necessary. Now they flicker into a full flame thanks to Strohl's fanning of those embers, his newly-forged oath feeding it with a steady supply of tinder and kindling. Hope and adoration are thrown upon the fire, allowing it to rise and consume fear, singeing it into mere ash.
Then again, perhaps it's where they differ: Will has never feared holding others within his heart. ]
It's a little unfair of you though, Strohl.
[ Will manages to get those words out in between them melding against one another. ]
Now that I know your intentions, I'm forced to wait for the next time we can do this.
[ In spite of those words, his lips curve against Strohl's in the shape of a smile. ]
[ His words remain just as affectionate as before. ]
Years of planned courting have gone by the wayside in just a few words and a kiss.
[ He can feel his heart ache at seeing his smile.
Of course, Strohl soon breathes out a small laugh. If he had been wiser, he should have made his intentions known from the start. But then, if he didn't hold himself back with this tenuous process of showing his feelings, he fears what he might have done. He may have grown out of his impulsive behavior, but that is something that took their journey to do. ]
But I suppose that tells you the sway that you have over me.
[ It is only Halia that is his sticking point, but that is because of the weight it holds. His home and Will are pieces that he wants to protect with everything he has. But he fears what would happen if something were to occur again. Would he be able to be steadfast and triumphant? Or would he fail them in some way? Like he did when he stepped back as Will was almost turned into a Human? The shame he felt ate at him; he almost gave up on his desire to hold him as he is now.
What right did he have to wish for a future when he could not stand with him then?
But - he can't keep hesitating because of one wrong. He can't keep acting like one mistake is the reason he shouldn't seek something better. If he does, what does that mean for the country? What does that mean for the people? A little more forgiveness is needed for everyone.
And he can't stop his heart even if he wants to do so. ]
We don't have to wait for the next time to find out what more there can be.
[ Yes, for all his romantic and adoring thoughts, he can't deny the lustful ones, either. Especially since he is holding him so close and can still feel the warmth of his mouth against his own. ]
[ Now that he has certainty within his heart, Will can't say whether he has the patience to endure those years of planned courting. Perhaps it's ultimately for the best then, that he's stepped forward to shatter that barrier with a few words and a kiss. ]
Careful, Strohl. You never know what someone might do after you've revealed that sort of information.
[ But hasn't Will done the same, albeit without uttering a single word? His facial expression surely says as much with lips parted and a pink flush dusting his cheeks. It's his turn to breathe out a small laugh again at the sound of Strohl's comments.
Truly, years of planned courting had been cast aside.
Will leans forward again in search of Strohl once more, fingers still grasping at the fabric of Strohl's coat. Had he the physical strength, one might not put it past Will to tear the entire article of clothing off the clemar's body. But he could never, not when it bears the crest of his companion's beloved home, the coat of arms of the very ground that they stand upon.
And perhaps it is fitting that they find themselves here in particular as they press closer to each other. There is nary a restored building standing within the ruins. The scars of destruction remain upon the cornerstones of each building. Yet, where flames had once licked the grounds bare, blades of grass have sprouted anew and blanket Halia with new life.
From these ruins, it seems something new has grown too. Based on Strohl's words, it seems to have sprung from both of their hearts. Halia is still alive. They are still alive, and the heartbeat thrumming within his chest is yet another reminder, soaring from being certain about Strohl's own feelings even if he does not yet know the true depth of them. Then again, here is Strohl, offering to show him a glimpse of it, offering to permit Will to acquaint himself with it.
He tilts his head a bit, planting a kiss at the corner of Strohl's mouth while simultaneously offering the pulse in his neck to his companion. ]
We've done enough waiting then, haven't we?
[ Will may be the king, but it seems he has no qualms with deferring to Strohl. For today, it seems all behavior from Strohl which may be unbecoming in the presence of royalty is excused. ]
[ His voice lowers rather than joining in the playful tone.
Indeed, for all his romantic plannings, he could not deny the desire tangled deep within. Yet he knew if he chased those thoughts too far, he would be the one who failed.
Their journey together taught him patience; it taught him to build his self-control up so high as to not ruin anything between them. It is how he could remain steadfast as Will grasps so on his coat; he can feel the desperation in his grip. He swallows as his mouth goes dry - and yet he does not stop looking into his eyes.
He won't turn away from him.
Strohl knows that their hearts are beating at the same frantic pace. He tries to suck cool air in as he thinks that he should take back what he said. Perhaps, we should wait. Yet the kiss on the corner of his lips makes him swallow those hateful words. The offer given to him and the rhetorical question undoes him more.
Well, Heismay's ears can't reach this far - and there is no one here to see us.
The thoughts themselves are rational and he thinks he said them but he didn't. Instead, he pulls Will closer into his arms. He dips his head down to take what is offered - that beautiful neck. His mouth presses hot, adoring kisses across the skin. Parting his lips, he lightly bites - nips - before kissing where his mouth has been. Almost like an apology, completely in reverence to him.
Will is his Captain, still; his friend, his light. All of these things he is before he is his king. Someone would have complaints about that, but he shoves those words out of his mind as well and he takes the time just to cling to him tight - he'll let him go soon, but he can't get enough of his taste on his tongue. ]
[ Not a single word makes it past Strohl's lips. There is no need. His actions speak clearly for him as he pulls Will in closer, assenting and capitulating to the question that hangs in the air. In truth, Will had been of a similar mindset. They are out of sight from prying eyes, and while it is said that the walls have ears, there are none to be spotted across what remained of Halia.
Teeth scrape lightly against Will's bared neck, leaving him shuddering at the juxtaposed sensations of each nip immediately followed by a tender caress of Strohl's lips. His hand slides from Strohl's coat as an arm wraps around Strohl instead, fingers curling into his back. Here is the person who'd earnestly declared that Will could rely on him, now and always, that he need only to look over his shoulder whenever he felt weary. There, he would find hope and an outstretched hand ready to catch him should he ever stumble. ]
S-Strohl --
[ The name that rests upon Will's tongue is one that has always tasted the sweetest to him. The light rouge dusting his cheekbones blooms into a deeper pink, spurred on further by the fact that there are no walls to seclude this moment from the rest of the world. And yet, ironically, they might find themselves with less privacy had they been within the palace.
His eyes drift shut as he hums with satisfaction. Now that he's received a taste of Strohl's affections, Will finds himself craving more. It's an unfamiliar feeling, not merely because neither of them had ever laid truly laid their hands upon the other until now, but rather because he'd grown so accustomed to accepting that desire was not something he would ever find nestled within his palms.
He'd been born from desire, the Prince's wish to walk the land. But desire, wishes -- such concepts were never meant for him. What use does one created to serve another's purpose have for yearning? Simply being born from desire did not necessarily mean it was something meant for him. Even now, even after uncovering his identity as the Prince, then as the Euchronian king, he finds the concept of wishing for something for himself quite unusual.
Yet he finds himself here, craving more of what Strohl offers up to him. ]
I... want to know --
[ The fingers at Strohl's back dig a little harder into his coat. ]
Show me how much you've wanted me all this time --
[ It only somewhat bothers him that he didn't get to say everything he thought. And only somewhat because it seems like his feelings came through anyway; the way that he holds onto him; how he pants slightly each time his lips pull away from Will's neck only to press more needy kisses against his skin.
He knows how his body stills at hearing him say his name. The desire rises through him; he can feel it almost like the same fire that burned in his chest upon his awakening. Some sense tries to come back to him. A voice tells him: Be reasonable. If you keep acting this way, won't it be shameful to return to the carriage? He is still this country's king.
Of course, he dismisses that voice. It's small and only clinging to sense because he's drowning in the feelings he's been holding onto for so long. Be silent. The time has come to tell his thoughts to be quiet. Especially since it is not just up to him - the request he has for him; the command; the curiosity of what he's been holding in his heart has been given.
It's time to answer the voice that weakly protests and Will. ]
I'll show you every part of my heart. [ He has to adjust how they're holding one another; they have to part. He intends to lay his coat down on the ground - for as much comfort as he can give him. ] You are my captain, but even before that, you're the person I love first and foremost. [ As he steps back, he holds onto Will's arm - his hand sliding down the sleeve until his fingers touch skin, he gently turns his hand over, he brings it up to press a longing kiss on the inside of his wrist.
It's the most control he can continue to have before he starts roughly pulling his clothes off - remembering only to put the coat down as he initially intended to do. He did think to pull Will's clothes off but knew he would rip them off in impatience.
Strohl doesn't care about that as much with his clothes, but if he hears the sound of the material tearing, he fears what would be left of his senses. ]
[ There's one last kiss pressed against his neck before the two of them must part. Strohl's response reassures Will that it won't be for very long. Yes, every part -- both the beautiful and the more unsightly shades, the ones that Strohl has potentially spent so very long trying to keep concealed out of fear of impropriety: Will wants to see and experience everything. After all, he's always had an appetite for the unknown.
His heart thrums within his chest as Strohl's hand slides down his sleeve, bare fingertips brushing against naked skin peeking between that same fabric and the cuff of his gloves. And Strohl holds him so gently, lifting the hand to plant another kiss against the pale skin of his wrist. This is how Strohl has always been with him, suspending Will within his hands like something precious even when those very same hands were capable of wielding that giant greatsword of his with ease.
In fact, that very same energy is on full display as Strohl's fingers fall away from Will's wrist to begin tugging his own clothes off. There's a small laugh from Will, though the sound it makes is barely a slight exhale. No matter how measured and controlled Strohl tried to conduct himself, Will knows this is Strohl in his element, fire in his veins while driven by heart as opposed to head.
Not that it means Will isn't any less eager than Strohl. His fingers work deftly to unbutton his own coat, setting it aside before the rest follow shortly afterwards. There's a moment of hesitation as he glances down at Strohl's own laid upon the grass. Like this, it may inevitably result in streaks of dark green. Will has seen how meticulously Strohl minds that one article of clothing, given how it is adorned with his house's crest. But here he is, readily offering it up for the sake of Will's comfort. If that's the case, Will thinks he should ensure that his gratitude for Strohl's thoughtfulness is reflected in his future ministrations.
So he reaches forward, a smile curving upon his lips as he takes Strohl by the hand, coaxing him to join him as he settles on his back. This is far from the first time they'd seen one another like this, given all the times they'd indulged in the Altabury hot springs. And because of that, there is no need for Will to feel self-conscious about the mottled flesh over his heart and the shadows of briars stretching across his chest. It is, however... certainly the first time that Will has laid eyes upon Strohl from this particular angle. His general, the person he has always loved first and foremost, has always been breathtaking, but to see just how deeply Strohl has wanted this based on the flush dusting his cheeks...
He reaches up with both hands, cradling Strohl's face between two palms. ]
Let me see it all, Strohl. Let me feel you, every part of your heart.
[ When he first laid eyes on the remnants of the curse, he recalls his own surprise but did not wish to burden Will with his emotions. That seems to be the story of how he has carried on; his emotions have been a burden yet also a crutch through these long days.
To cherish each moment that he had with him; to anger at the injustice that he's suffered. The machinations of cruel men did this to him, and he would not stand for another to ruin him - even if that hand may be his own.
But wasn't that conceited? Wasn't that wrong? They've walked together and traveled through so much; he was one of his beginning companions but Will was Strohl's first. He was the first one he felt he could believe in; felt he could rely upon; felt he could die for without any regret.
It was such a heavy burden to put on another person that he feared what would happen if he let Will know how deep his feelings ran.
. . .
Certainly, it is nice to have these introspective thoughts as he's ripping the clothes off his own body.
His thoughts and actions are at odds with one another. That has always been a problem for him, in one way or another. Before it was because he spoke before he thought; then it became he thought before he spoke. To grow, he found new weaknesses, but he would always have one true vice.
He would give Will just about anything he asked for; in the hands of a wicked man, he knows that could spell so much ruin. But Will is ... Will. Fallible, hopeful, and good. A person who seeks out answers and questions his actions rather than believe himself to always be right.
His arms wrap around him, pulling him in close; naked flesh against naked flesh. He's kneeling slightly so that he can press his lips against where the mottled flesh is over his heart. Kissing the wounded area as he wanted to do when he first saw it. Running his hands and fingers over the shadows of those briars - believing his touch to be healing something deep in his soul. Or feeding into the fire of what is being created here.
Just tasting the skin under his mouth is enough to make his breath come out hard and heavy. It's a longing that he has denied himself yet is being allowed to indulge. ]
I can't promise it won't be suffocating... but what is in my heart is yours.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2024-11-29 01:11 pm (UTC)She'd handed the book over to Will with a curious look in all of her eyes, for she'd recognized the name etched on its cover. But upon Will's request to keep his search a secret, she'd merely offered a knowing smile and avoided pressing him for more information.
And so, for the past week and a half, Will has spent his meager shares of spare time holed up in his office. There, he'd spent his evenings poring over the ledger containing all the names of those who'd governed a certain countryside village.
He needs to get this right if he's to present this proposal to Strohl. It needs to be ironclad, lest he insist it would be improper or nigh nepotism for the king to approach him with this task.
So Will studies, learns that Euchronian estates are passed from generation to generation per stirpes. The tome Will hunted down contains both of Strohl's parents' names. Beneath it is Strohl's, presumably penned in as soon as he'd been brought forth into the world. No other names appear alongside Strohl's. No other names throughout the book appear alongside the same generation as Strohl's, even after following every branching path of each family tree.
The book of Halia's lords lies on Will's desk, open to the very page listing Strohl's name. Next to it is an empty journal with a slip of paper inside its front cover. Behind it all stands the king with a kind smile, one which might have those outside the kingdom questioning whether this, truly, was the one who'd ultimately led the group who bested Louis. ]
Thanks for clearing your schedule for this, General.
[ The title still feels clumsy on his tongue. Will isn't sure whether he'll ever get used to saying it. And of course Strohl had cleared his schedule to see the king, but that's neither here nor there.
Will nudges the empty book a little closer to Strohl. The sheet of paper tucked inside its front cover contains details of the recent rebuilding efforts happening across the country, particularly those that were razed by human activity. ]
I... saw that Halia was next on the list, so I looked into your village's line of succession. I hope that's okay.
[ It feels wrong, perhaps even underhanded, to pry like this. He had to be sure though, to double check that there wouldn't be any other potential claims to Halia's title. The book Eupha found for him has fortunately allayed his fears. He points to it now, his finger right next to Strohl's name. ]
If a lord wants to relinquish title to his land, it has to be in written notice and submitted to the crown. You... haven't done that though, and it doesn't look like anyone can contest your title to Halia.
[ Will glances up to gauge Strohl's expression, hoping he hasn't overstepped anything. The public would laugh, perhaps, at the sight of their king feeling concerned about being overbearing.
Will doesn't think he'd mind at all. ]
That's why I wanted your --
[ "Permission," but no -- he doesn't need that, technically, not as the rightful ruler of their kingdom. ]
-- opinion. On how it should be rebuilt.
[ And in a voice a little softer, he adds, ]
On whether you'd like it rebuilt.
no subject
Date: 2024-11-29 09:07 pm (UTC)His gaze, however, sometimes slides away from military doctrine and straightens out the "old-fashioned" beliefs of soldiers. He thinks of his people who still rely on him; they feel more comfortable than they did before, especially with his title, but he checks in on them often to make sure they are well.
They're always understanding of him, but he can't help feeling they've been set aside for duties to the nation. Yet if he focused too much on them, it may seem like he is attempting to offer preferential treatment to his own.
There are still people who have complaints about Will and those in power; they are waiting for a chance to launch campaigns about their corruption.
So, he would do anything to avoid criticism of the new regime and king; things were simpler when they were candidates. But for all the good that they're doing, he worries about the good they cannot because of how it would appear.
He worries if he's worrying too much and finds the humor in his circular thinking.
As such, it's nice to be called upon so he has a specific task to worry about rather than his own worries. Which he understands is nothing compared to the state of the country and the people.
He does, however, straighten his back at hearing Halia. Surprise coats his expression as he obviously didn't think this would be the topic that Will wanted to speak to him. His eyes dart from the book back to the young man's face; he isn't certain what expression he has but he thinks it is still a surprise.
His expression falls when he hears that no one has contested his title to Halia. ]
I do think there is some humor to be found... while I was being taken care of by relatives, none of them were willing to claim Halia. Perhaps, they realized that it would be too much of a hassle with their own duties to contend with, as well.
[ There is a lack of bitterness in his words. He has no reproach for them for being unwilling, because -- ]
I think it is because they were being considerate to me. Or perhaps, some machination of my father who knew what path I would take.
[ Strohl starts there. He talks about unimportant pieces of succession rather than the question of how Halia should be rebuilt. His hands clench and unclench like he wants to grab and hold tight to the book. However, he hesitates on what he is being offered. ]
Halia has been untouched for years... there's no reason to worry about this now. Since I have not given up my rights to it, I can ... we can address this matter later.
[ He folds his hands on the table, one over the other.
Hurriedly, he adds: ]
My people are being treated well and have their own land they're tending to... I'm certain they would love to return to their homes before they forget what Halia looks like, but... that isn't something I ever meant to burden you with...
[ A longer pause and with some affection: ] ... Captain.
no subject
Date: 2024-11-30 03:38 am (UTC)Strohl is right though, that it's somewhat surprising that none have attempted to challenge Strohl's claim to Halia. Typically it only takes the whiff of instability for distant relatives, unheard of until that particular point, to come crawling out of the woodwork. There'd been little to stop those without any threads of lineage from usurping his title too. After all, the fact that all of Halia's buildings, its homes, its establishments, were burned to the ground, meant less upfront work for whoever wished to lay something else on top of it. Depending on who was assessing the shadows of that carnage, the ruins of Halia could be a blessing in disguise.
A pensive expression makes its way across Will's face at the mention of Strohl's father. Both of Strohl's parents seemed to be exceptionally sharp with a significant amount of faith in their son. Based on the stories alone that Strohl has shared with him, it seems crystal clear to Will where Strohl inherited both his mind and his heart. And perhaps it's because of that very heart Will knows his good friend is dodging the essence of the matter. He's prepared to cut through the fog of Strohl's doubts, to reassure Strohl that it's no trouble, no burden at all, until Strohl interrupts his line of attack with that old title. It's a masterful counter, spoken with a warmth saved for the moments spent solely within the company of each other.
And so, Will's eyes widen at the sound of it. He exhales slow, a relieved smile on his face as Strohl is the first to release him temporarily from the trappings of their roles.
Deep down, there'd been a part of him that fretted Strohl might be upset with him for bringing any of this up at all. ]
...right. It's better to have the current conversation like this, isn't it, Strohl?
[ They speak as old comrades now. Thus, where Strohl falters, Will takes the empty book into his hands and holds it out to bridge the distance. If Strohl won't take it with his own hands, Will will meet him partway. ]
It's not a burden. It's something I need to do anyways, and I'm just... getting advice from the person who'd know best what to do with Halia's land.
[ He points again at Strohl's name in the second book with his free hand. ]
It says so right here, see?
[ Still, his friend isn't one to be easily swayed. It's not like Strohl hasn't made some reasonable points. Halia's former residents had taken quite well to Grand Trad after being given their own homes by their lord. Having one's own home certainly facilitated that. It's much easier to build a life once a person knows where they will lay their head each night.
There's a fine line Will needs to walk. He doesn't want to hold Strohl hostage, to force him into a task he has no interest in performing even if there's nothing stopping him from pulling rank. But this exchange isn't taking place between King and General, and instead, between two friends who'd gone to the ends of the world for each other. ]
Besides, it... wouldn't feel right for me to delegate this task to anyone else. But I'd like for this to be on your own terms, so you should take as much time as you need to think things over.
[ His smile turns apologetic now. ]
I... know I sprung this on you out of nowhere. Sorry about that.
no subject
Date: 2024-11-30 06:51 am (UTC)[ Instead of General and King, he wishes to lay bare his reasons to a friend who sincerely worries about him. His shoulders droop, but not out of melancholy; it is out of the sincerity that he feels in these actions.
Strohl blinks - wordlessly, he looks at the book being offered to him. His teeth clench together as his fingers flex. He does want to take what is offered but fears all the implications of it. His chin lifts to draw his gaze away from it to Will instead.
Something you need to do.
He lets his gaze drift to the name in the second book - his own. The words trap themselves in his throat as he tries to find a reason to argue the point. ]
I can see your side of it, as well. [ He breathes out a humorless laugh. ] It feels both just yesterday and an era has passed since we started and finished our journey. [ Drawing his hands back, he starts again: ] I truly do.
... during the dinner soiree when we were "welcomed" as Louis's supporters, I had openly criticized him for his inaction in saving Halia. [ A story that Will has heard before, but he tells it, again. His head gives a small, firm shake. ] It was not a quiet discussion, either. It was to gift you more time, but also selfishly, I wanted to confront the man who was responsible for all that destruction.
[ Strohl recalls the answer that he was given. He swallows as he continues: ] I knew it was not that simple, of course. I know that even more now.
[ His eyes close. ] Halia is a footnote in the past regime's list of sins, because it is not just Louis that failed Halia. His voice might have been the loudest, but the society and power structure that was created allowed for such injustice to go uncontested.
[ His eyes open to stare at the book. ] I understand the reason why it should be rebuilt by us. To repair the damages that have been done by those who refused to protect those who needed them. [ He clenches his hands into fists and lightly strikes the surface of the table. ] There is nothing to apologize for - you're offering me something that I've wanted and hoped for seven long years.
[ His words catch in his throat. ] Yet again you offer me hope and I can see how much good it would do to have people see the wrongs done to its people being right. [ He breathes in; he lifts his hand to his face, pressing his wrist underneath his nose. ] But I also see how you could be lambasted for it. How it could be seen as an insult done to Louis... and those that still support him would see it as a way to mock or denounce his response to a criticism publicly given.
[ A beat. ] And damn it, if there is not a part of me that fears... if those events hadn't happened... I would not have been able to meet you or the others. I wouldn't have found a way to change into someone able to be at your side as a friend and confidante.
[ They are only themselves and so he can tell Will these things without shame. ] I'm sure someone would say the same... that I benefited from the destruction of Halia and I'll benefit from its reconstruction, as well.
I cannot let you suffer. [ He swallows again. ] Halia is a place I want to show you with my head held high... a place I dream of showing you, still. [ His hand lifts to reach out for the book before his hand drops to the table. ] But I fear I'm not yet worthy enough to show you those sights or offer insight on rebuilding it.
Not until I have the confidence to be able to protect you from all that will come next for your help. [ A sigh. ] I'm sorry, Will, for my answer... I don't know when I will be ready. One day I know I will be but... I don't know when.
no subject
Date: 2024-12-01 12:42 am (UTC)And though he's heard Strohl recount that evening at Louis' soiree before, Will dedicates his entire attention towards listening to Strohl's recollections. He'd been stunned the first time he heard the story. Strohl's confrontation with Louis could have gone southward in the blink of an eye. Instead, Louis had apparently responded with cool frankness. If anything, Louis had never tried to hide any of his intentions. It seems that attitude had extended to entertaining all of Strohl's questions that night.
But here, between the two of them, there are no dressed-up words, only the weight of truth hanging in the air. For a moment, it seems as if Strohl has changed his mind to reach out for the empty book, only to allow that very hand to drop to the desk again. Even now there is not a single shade of disappointment in crystalline eyes, only serene acquiescence to Strohl's ultimate decision. ]
It's okay. ...the fact that you're willing to admit you're not ready shows me you'll get there someday.
[ Very few people would readily confess to weakness, even amongst the closest of confidants. It's an admirable trait in Will's eyes no matter how many stern lectures he's received from Hulkenberg about keeping certain pieces of information at closer guard.
Will draws the empty book inward, holding it against his chest. He'd known how acutely Strohl felt the criticism leveled against their current regime. Then again, it seems all members of the Six Partisans were more wary of it. Theirs is a fragile peace; each of them had seen with their own eyes, felt with their own hands, just how many mountains they'd had to claw their ways over to reach for it.
Will is no exception. He hears it all the time while wandering through both Sunshade Row and Sunlumeo Street. ]
I'll be all right though. I'm not made of glass. ...part of it can't be helped. Remember the things people used to say about the former king?
[ With a bit of a wry smile, he can't help but add: ]
But... in case you forgot, I'm used to people saying unkind things about me.
[ It continues even now. There are still those who shudder at the thought of an elda seated upon the throne. There are still those who recoil at the thought of bending a knee to a member of a lesser tribe that had, up until last year, been branded as worth less than the rubble around Sunshade Row.
Will reaches for the book of records and lifts one of its covers. Though he closes it to signal the near conclusion of this conversation, his fingertips still rest against the embroidered name of Strohl's former home. ]
It's all right if you don't know when. I don't mind waiting for that day, and I'll look forward to it too.
[ He'd wait an eternity if that's what it takes for Strohl to feel he has finally grown into the man he wishes to be.
There are the practical matters, however, that must be faced even with Strohl's current decision. In the blink of an eye there could be someone, anyone, who might seek to challenge Strohl's title. Eupha would likely be the first to hear of it, given that all contests of territory were now sorted through the magistrates instead of unnecessary bloodshed. There's the option, too, of Strohl attempting to reassert said title in writing, but there's probably more merit in letting sleeping dragons lie. There's no need to garner unnecessary attention towards Halia. ]
Let me know if you'd like to return there someday just to survey the land for ideas.
[ And before Strohl can protest, claiming that he wouldn't wish to burden Will with it, he pushes back in anticipation of objections with: ]
I'll ultimately be the one who chooses to approve or deny your future proposal, so I actually do need to be kept in the loop.
no subject
Date: 2024-12-01 06:42 pm (UTC)[ The question sounds a little hollow. He isn't sure if he will be. It's funny to think that way, of course.
Shame isn't what drives him to look away but a fondness for the past. His eyes drift up toward a corner of the room - all of them fought to ensure the land would be safe; that the people would have a chance for change; and that they could move forward positively without ignoring the sins and missteps of before.
Look forward with clear eyes and not cover up the past with sweet excuses.
So, it should be easy to agree to repairing and rebuilding Halia. It should be a matter where he need only smile and say, "Yes."
His eyebrows lift as he turns to look back at Will. His jaw bunches at the comment that he's not made of glass. He nods - the way the people talked about his father was more than unkind. But wasn't it also true? He disliked the memories that the former king showed his son.
It felt like mountains of excuses. It felt like just offering a bandaid for being unable to stop what has happened. "I'm sorry, but--" That isn't something someone who is responsible for thousands of lives should say. It's not an apology that he should give his son who is forced to put his life on the line to solve. ]
Yes... to say that it is only unkind things is putting it lightly.
[ Will has suffered a lot and Strohl had wanted to do what he could to ensure that his suffering would be minimal from here on out. Yet it seems like he treats him like he's a precious item versus a precious friend. ]
It's been a while since we've seen it together, hasn't it?
[ An idle question to what has been said. ]
You're the only one I've brought to see Halia. ] He blinks and dips his head down; like he's confessed something he shouldn't have. ] It's a precious place that I hold in my heart.
[ His mouth closes and opens: ]
We've always gone to it by way of carriage. It isn't that I don't want the others to see it, but it's important to me that -- [ He runs his hand through his hair, scratching at it furiously. ] -- the words are there, but I'm stumbling over them.
[ After a second, he says: ] Perhaps, it's the atmosphere. The scenery that causes me to babble incoherently. So... do you want to? We'll get into trouble and it's unbecoming of your general to ask, but as your friend...
[ He tips his chin up. ] ... shall we sneak away to see Halia?
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Date: 2024-12-01 10:17 pm (UTC)It's not Will's responsibility to persuade Strohl. His friend will arrive at his own conclusion someday. The most he can do is give Strohl the space to contemplate and, perhaps someday, to reach for that empty book with his own two hands.
Still, Strohl remains the sort who takes noblesse oblige with the utmost seriousness. Even where the others had empathized with his father's downfall after losing his loved ones, Strohl was unafraid to voice his disappointment in the man. Not even Will could blame him despite being the one who ultimately had to pick up fractured pieces of the country. But Strohl? Strohl had no qualms with putting his foot down and asserting that not just the country, but Will, had deserved far better from the king.
Will would never blame him, but there'd been a part of his heart that swelled at the fact that Strohl came to his defense even if unnecessary. And those same spirits lifted a bit each time Strohl stepped in front of Will, daring others to repeat their comments in the presence of a clemar.
Yet, those feelings had intertwined with others. ]
You know, Strohl, early on... I used to get worried. I didn't like the thought others might look down on you for associating with me.
[ He'd realized though, it's just like the decision Strohl faced now. The choice to cut in, the choice to defend him: both had been squarely Strohl's decision to make.
And now, he supposes Strohl has done more than merely associate with him, all the way down to admitting he'd never shown his hometown, near-and-dear to him, to anyone else. Will's own lips part ever so slightly at that confession. No one else, then, has sat side by side with Strohl, gazing out at the serene aftermath of that tragedy.
He offers Strohl a smile as he draws the book of names a little closer to him, enough to set it aside with the empty one. ]
I have time since I cleared the rest of my day for this conversation.
[ Perhaps there'd been a part of him awaiting that offer. ]
I'll leave Hulkenberg a note.
[ He can see her already in his mind's eye, huffing in dismay as soon as she's realized the king has quietly slipped away again. ]
...and I'll let her know you won't know where to find me either.
[ It doesn't take long for him to scrawl out that memo. He leaves it on the desk before grabbing his coat, leading Strohl to the nidia carriage-driver who'd quickly become their getaway carriage for said escapades. The man's iridescent eyes always had a particular glint in them any time Will requested his services with Strohl close in tow, but to this day that man's lips remained sealed.
It's not a particularly long trip, though it certainly helps that Will prioritized fixing up the roads. He'd reasoned that the free flow of travel not only facilitated commerce, but also aided in spreading ideas, sowing the seeds of change across every town and every city.
Halia is the same as ever, blades of grass billowing gently in the mild breeze. Piles of rubble where houses once stood tall cast their solemn shadows across the floor. Here laid the irrefutable proof of the prior rule's sins, and yet the scent of fresh air compared to the city has always filled Will with a certain tranquility. It's not so different from the Eldan Sanctum, he supposes, all the way down to being demolished in a hellish blaze.
They stand here as friends instead of those spearheading the coming of a new era. And since this is Strohl's old home, Will looks to Strohl to lead on now. ]
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Date: 2024-12-02 12:41 am (UTC)[ Even if.
He's certain many did. A clemar associating with an elda was seen as something shameful. The question of how he could debase himself came and went, but it is as he said; their voices and questions were not worth listening or answering.
If they could see all that Will had done and accomplished yet felt no stirring in their chest to follow; they were hopeless. Strohl is ... glad that he's learned to temper his words; he has learned how to look before he leaps, but it has come with its own hardships.
Now he looks too far and sees cliff falls where there are none. ]
... ah.
[ He can't help but smile that Will devoted so much time to this; it leaves him humbled in more ways than one.
Of course, the humbled feeling fades to concern about escaping before Hulkenberg comes to look for them. He can imagine the things that she will say: Strohl's supposed to be the responsible one - not the one who leads the king astray.
He covers his mouth as he whispers some prayer and promises that he'll bring back some cuisine for her. It won't ease any hard feelings, he knows; she isn't someone who can be soothed with good food. But he believes beyond the words of an apology there should be an action to show how sorry he is for whatever gray hairs they give her. ]
Let's go!
[ It still doesn't stop him from taking Will's hand as they leave.
Which in hindsight seems silly, he held his hand to the carriage before they jumped in. The ride itself isn't unpleasant, at least; it feels comfortable. Familiar. Right. There isn't a sense of dread welling up in him as they make the journey.
When they step out, he keeps going in silence before saying: ]
I must confess when I first brought you here... I felt some dread. I don't know why... this is my home. This is what I want to protect. It's what I want to rebuild. If I can't show you this, what can I show you of myself?
[ He presses his lips together. ]
Perhaps, the shame comes from knowing how I was back then. How spoiled I was. I told you of it, but somehow, I feared that you'd be able to sense and tell what sort of rotten youth I was. Maybe fear that something of that was still in me.
[ His head turns before he walks to a ruined wall - his hand gently runs along the stone. ]
I couldn't protect my home. It sticks with me still... how I couldn't protect something so precious to me. I understand at my age that I couldn't, but... it's a fear that stays no matter how much time has passed.
[ He clenches his fist. ]
You're a precious friend... not some trinket I must keep safe! I know this to be true and yet...! Yet I fear if I don't do everything I can that I may ... lose you. [ His head drops. ] Those feelings tie deeply into how I feel about Halia and it... while in that room... it muddled things inside.
[ His head bobs once; it feels good to start there. ]
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Date: 2024-12-02 03:33 am (UTC)"You were so young. It couldn’t be helped." Will thinks, but those are unnecessary words to breathe into existence. It's something that Strohl already knows. Bringing it up again is a pointless endeavor, and the fact that nothing could be done back then does not make it any better. One might even argue the helplessness is precisely what makes it worse. ]
It sticks with you, and it might never go away.
[ It's a different set of ruins and wreckage, but his own hometown — no, the forest sanctum that had been once been the prince’s home — had burned to the ground. There’d been nothing the prince could have done, nothing he could have salvaged with his small palms.
It's times like this when he must remind himself that those memories are not his own, and if he were ever to forget, the sudden sharp pangs of phantom pain radiating from his chest and down his arms from time to time are enough of a reminder that even this very body hadn’t belonged to him. Even if he'd initially lived as a vessel of the prince's soul, that life, those memories, they did not belong to him.
Yet those thoughts, those memories, did they not exist within him as well? They are his own too. They can be his own, or at the very least he can pretend they are his own, if it creates the channel and foundation to comfort his closest friend. ]
It used to scare me too, that I might see the massacre "he" witnessed at the Eldan Sanctum repeated elsewhere.
[ Will draws nearer now, footfalls muffled by the overgrown grass. He reaches out to rest a gentle hand atop Strohl's clenched fist, not to persuade Strohl into letting go of the fears that grip his heart, but to coax him into sharing them with him. There'd been plenty of lessons to learn during their journey, but perhaps one of the most important ones was that anxiety and negative emotion was not to be feared. After all, as goes light, so goes darkness; as goes darkness, so goes light.
He runs the pad of his thumb over each of Strohl's knuckles before coming to rest it against the back of Strohl's hand. ]
...I'm still scared sometimes, but it's a little less knowing that I have you and the others at my side.
[ He'd like to say he understands, that he knows what it feels like to be afraid of witnessing what someone loved and cherished crumbling to the ground. How terribly it must weigh upon one's soul to know that one's life had been traded for several others. And yet, he cannot say that he does not know, not when so many of his memories cross over the line of where the Prince ended and where Will began.
Will turns his face upwards, an encouraging smile resting upon his lips. ]
I'd like if I could do the same for you.
[ Strohl may rue his weakness, but Will finds it is a welcome opportunity for him to offer his cherished person a shoulder to lean on. There are plenty of objections he could raise. Strohl has observed him in battle several times, clawing his way to victory alone if necessary. He has watched him weather several impossibly challenging fights, and they'd been at each other's sides during the ultimate standoff against Louis' twisted form.
But this — what Strohl fears must be more complex. A spotlight shines upon the new king. There will be politically charged character assassinations leveled towards him, let alone plenty of actual future assassination attempts. There's already plenty of precedent, given the fates of the prior king and his heir. The people will scorn him, their tongues and words coated in poisons as soon as the country’s and their own fortunes take a turn for the worse. His inevitable future shortcomings will be aired in the sunlight, exaggerated and spread across the land through attention-grabbing headlines.
His fingers curl around Strohl's hand now, offering it a reassuring squeeze. ]
Maybe those feelings will never go away, because fear and grief — that's the price of cherishing something, isn't it? You... wouldn't fear losing something you didn't care about. So it's all right.
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Date: 2024-12-02 05:04 am (UTC)A broken sigh slips out; it holds so much of his anguish in barely any sound. He breathes in, and hears how his breathing shakes; he doesn't yet cry but feels his throat closing.
Yet he's able to refocus his stare at Will. His expression twists at hearing the massacre at the Eldan Sanctum. He swallows; the fires of that day haunted Louis, as well. Yet where it twisted one of them; it gifted another the desire to help.
And Louis never left that horror.
Strohl realizes his own folly in an instant; he, too, is still trapped back there. Yet he's started to walk away from that day. He doesn't pull his hand away when Will rests his hand over his; instead, he watches how his fingers move; how he uses that small touch to comfort him.
He stays quiet for a time, mulling over what is said.
His other hand flexes at his side; fingers twitching almost involuntarily. He tells himself that he shouldn't be a coward. No, rather than a coward, he can't just be silent when he decides what he said was just "the start." ]
I realize now that I'm a bit like Louis... [ Softening his voice, he feels the corners of his lips curl into a half-smile. Flexing his fingers once more, he lifts his other hand. Swallowing, he reaches out to gently cup the side of Will's face; the inside of his palm feels warmer than usual as it rests against his skin. ]
... in many ways, I feel like I was still there seven years ago. It paints what I should be doing now. If Halia is rebuilt, what if it is ruined? If outrage and unreasonable hatred for you rise, what if an attempt comes? What if I can't protect anything that I care about?
[ But right now - the broken pieces of Halia and Will are in his hands. ]
I can't just be afraid. I can't live that way and not believe in a better future. I can't be like Louis and think that the best way to avoid heartache is not to attempt to build or work at anything I want.
[ His heart aches as he confesses his weakness. ]
What did we all do this for if I was going to hide away from what I cherish most?
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Date: 2024-12-02 11:24 pm (UTC)It's that honest heart of his which is beautiful to Will.
His fingers remain curled around Strohl's hand as his eyes drift shut for a moment, taking in the sensation of Strohl's warm palm against his face. The calluses on it gently press against Will's skin, yet another reminder of how fervently they'd all fought for this tenuous peace. And even after ushering in a new era, there still remained corners of the kingdom which knew no rest. Even now, humans continued to roam the lands.
Those places deserve to be brought into the sunlight, just as Halia would someday stand proud yet again. Will knows just how deeply Strohl cherishes this place. He'd worn a reminder of it upon his back, his blade mounted there as well, perhaps a constant reminder of how defending something precious required using one's own hands. Yet another reminder hangs around Strohl's neck, metal resting against his sternum to match the crest inked upon his shoulder. ]
It's not a bad thing to be prepared.
[ Will's eyes are open once again as he lifts his free hand to rest it atop Strohl's. ]
But... don't let despair swallow why you felt something was worth protecting in the first place.
[ In truth, assassination attempts don't quite make it far to the forefront of Will's mind. It's why he can confidently slip away into the city donning the barest of disguises. But if it would offer Strohl some peace of mind, perhaps he can begin requesting Strohl's company during his escapades.
Will returns Strohl's smile with one of his own. The frankness permitted by the privacy of Halia is refreshing compared to the trappings of the palace. He can only hope that discussing things unfettered has lightened the weight that's been crushing Strohl's shoulders. ]
I meant it when I said take all the time you need. Though, I hope you see now that someday --
[ Will's words catch in his throat as a sharp pain radiates from his chest. He recognizes the sensation, silently lamenting the fact that this seems to crop up at the most inconvenient of times. The hand atop Strohl's suddenly clenches it tight, the one wrapped around Strohl's hand letting it go as though it had suddenly taken on the temperature of a hot iron. His fingers grasp at his chest instead, breath trembling as his eyes squeeze shut while clinging to Strohl for support.
Despite the agony, Will inhales and grounds himself, eyes opening again as he forces his smile to return while desperately catching his breath. ]
I'm okay, I just -- I need a minute --
[ It's not the first time it's happened, but their respective duties have kept them apart more than Will would have liked, kept them apart for far too long for the phantom pain to strike in front of Strohl. It must be frightening for Strohl to witness, he thinks, even if Will knows the flare-up will pass soon enough.
Yet another reminder he supposes of how, in those quiet moments when he is alone, he still hesitates to truly call himself Euchronia's prince. ]
no subject
Date: 2024-12-03 05:52 am (UTC)[ His voice softens as he agrees that it's good to be prepared.
He lets his eyes drift to the hand covering his own. It feels very much like that same hand has its fingers wrapped around his heart. Comforting and reassuring.
Strohl blinks and his eyes are back on Will's. He can feel how his eyebrows lift; how new light must be shining in the way that he looks at him. It's not a shame that takes him but a clear path of how to solve his fears. ]
Ah --
[ His voice starts to interrupt that he will take the next few days to think more thoroughly about the proposal. Certainly, he can take all the time he needs, but this talk; this push is what he truly requires to start to make his decision.
Yet those thoughts cease almost immediately.
He sucks his breath in as soon as he sees Will in pain. Copying what was done for him; his hand automatically goes to rest over his friend's. Gripping onto the one that holds onto his heart. His other hand drops from his face to hold onto his shoulder.
Strohl knows that he's saying his name over and over in increasing frantic panic: "Will? Will! Will!" ]
How can you say that you need just a minute?
[ An intense desire to do something overtakes him. Stop thinking! There are times when he should think and times when he should act. He doesn't quite know what he should do, but simply standing and holding onto Will's hand isn't enough.
Releasing his hold on his hand and shoulder, he switches instead to hold him close. There's no time to worry about courtesy and how the act could be viewed as disrespectful; he instead looks to find a place for him to sit, to recover, without worrying about standing. ]
You're right. I'll be all right. Just --
[ It's what he can say as he twists his head around; searching for a place of soft ground to let him rest. Rubble, rubble, everywhere; so if there is no place suitable for their needs - he will hold him close instead; let him recover in his arms if need be. His heart beats rapidly, frantically; holding him close, he drops his head to rest it next to Will's.
Rest on me. Even if your legs give out, I'll carry you. You've believed in me this far, and so whatever distance you need, I'll take you. ]
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Date: 2024-12-03 11:14 pm (UTC)Perhaps that's why the residual effects of the curse seem to retreat faster, staved off by the warmth encircling his form. Eventually, the shudder in shoulders eases away, his breath evening out and coming in a steadier tempo. He shifts a bit in Strohl's arms while regaining his sense of footing again, exhaling as he realizes the hand over his chest is covered in Strohl's palm. ]
Sorry, that -- that happens sometimes. I... think I'm okay now though.
[ Yet, he makes no move to pull himself away, wondering whether it would be too self-indulgent to leave his head resting a little longer against that stalwart shoulder. If Strohl finds issue in him keeping the condition a secret, Will thinks he deserves the full weight of Strohl's anger.
The less that people knew though, the better. It would do the country no good to see something ailed their current king. It was of the utmost importance that a fledgling regime's leader project strength. Even now, Louis' remaining supporters whispered they could not truly believe an elda with such a slight form could best the Louis Guiabern in combat. It is not Strohl's fault that all walls have ears, that sharing such information risked leaking it into the rumor mills of both Sunlumeo Street and Sunshade Row.
In fact, only Heismay had been privy to the truth, for Will could not hide the sounds of shifts in his breathing each time it occurred from the eugief's sharp ears.
It's a blessing in disguise that it's happened out here instead of the palace, away from prying eyes awaiting the king's first misstep. But now that Strohl has seen it in full force, he supposes his closest confidant deserves an explanation. ]
It... started after I returned to the prince's body. The curse was lifted, but it still remembers how it felt for all those years.
[ After all, that body had lived with said curse for years and years, the torment associated with it leaving its marks behind even now.
And though his face remains obscured from Strohl, there's a sheepish smile that rests upon it. ]
In a sense, I guess this body still belongs to him.
[ A faint reminder of those times he'd caught his reflection early on, the shock of pale hair instead of deep blue occasionally startling him. There'd been little time to dwell on it though, back when the fate of Euchronia was at stake. ]
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Date: 2024-12-04 09:06 pm (UTC)He didn't want to miss any sound, any hint, that may come from Will to help him. ]
Happens sometimes? How - does Hulkenberg know?
[ Somehow, the red-haired knight comes to mind first. He already knows the answer would be "no;" her worry and guilt for what happened to him before would cloud her judgment now. His shoulders droop as he understands that Will wouldn't want to worry his people, his friends, and that is why he can keep his outrage down.
Few, if any, of Will's actions have been out of malice or narcissism. But -- ]
Why do you have to carry so much on your own? No -- I don't mean say you don't think we're trustworthy. I know you better than that, but --
[ His head tips up as he realizes something odd in the way that Will speaks. He hasn't pulled away from him, either; he doesn't even think the closeness is odd or troublesome. If anything, he would feel like he'd worry more if they suddenly parted. ]
To him? The prince?
[ The hand that gripped his shoulder reaches up to rest against his face as it did before; his voice and questions are soft. Not really searching for answers for what he's saying but letting himself feel the deep pain of what is being implied. ]
Will -- that's you. That's still you.
[ He blinks rapidly; his lips press together into a thin line. His head turns slightly, staring at the rubble around him, and breathes in deep. ]
You are our prince, our king. You fought for yourself. This body -- it's yours. It's you.
We never -- I've never thought otherwise.
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Date: 2024-12-05 04:29 am (UTC)Will shakes his head, even as it continues to rest against Strohl's shoulder. ]
Only Heismay. I... couldn't keep it from him, not with how good his hearing is.
[ He can speak freely only because they are not here as ruler and liege. For the time being, there is no King and there is no General, only Will and Strohl. There is no King and there is no General, and perhaps that's why Will finds he can lean into Strohl's touch without any qualms. ]
I didn't want to take on the name Hythlodaeus VI after my coronation. I wanted my name to mark the start of a new era, but... it didn't feel right to me either. Not when that name should have gone to him.
[ Still, relief wells within him upon hearing Strohl assert that he's always been Will even after he'd become one with the prince's physical form. But Strohl had sworn as much, hadn't he? After Louis had corrupted his form, Strohl promised he would not fall victim to any doubts about Will's identity.
Even now, where Will falters, Strohl keeps that promise. ]
My memories -- they weren't real at all. I was just a vessel, even if I did carry his hopes and dreams. ...when I realized nothing I knew about myself was true, I thought -- maybe Louis was right. Maybe I did trick everyone around me into thinking I was someone who didn't exist.
[ He sighs, a weary smile resting on his face. ]
But... you're right. Our journey was real. The person you came to know is real.
[ There's a small exhale now, a quiet laugh escaping from Will. ]
Thank you, Strohl. We came here to give you ideas for seeing Halia renewed, but here I am leaning on you instead.
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Date: 2024-12-08 02:18 am (UTC)[ Especially since he's certain Will wouldn't be able to time when these attacks occur. Heismay would also know better than to break his trust by telling anyone else; he is the kind of figure that will protect and shelter anyone until they are ready themselves. ]
While I understand those feelings some... [ Strohl pauses, fingers tapping lightly on his shoulders; he realizes they're still close but hasn't pulled away. It feels wrong to - more than any action that he could do. ] ... that name and this is yours. But if you feel more yourself as "Will"... there's nothing else to say, is there?
[ He lightly shakes his head side-to-side when he says that he tricked everyone into thinking he was someone who didn't exist. His hands grip tighter onto him, afraid that he might truly fade away. Maybe, that, too, is why he can't pull himself away.
But he does feel some relief when he admits their journey and who he is is real. ]
You can lean on me as much as you want... as much as you need. The heavens only know how often I have relied on you even when I knew you had your own struggles and troubles. [ He runs his tongue over his lips. ] Yet you cared and looked after us as we fumbled through. I'm certain I'm not the only one who would attribute knowing you as to why they could change into someone they're proud of being, Will.
Little by little, you've changed all of our lives for the better... you've changed us for the better... you carried the weight of saving yourself, the kingdom, and- and - fighting to be king... to being king... you let us support you with these duties and tasks, but still, I fear you let yourself stand alone.
[ His mouth offers a sad smile. ] Much like myself. I anguish alone rather than want to worry others... because there is still so, so much more to do, but... what are we if not friends? If not companions? If ... if not precious to one another?
no subject
Date: 2024-12-08 11:37 pm (UTC)Yet if all memories are individual threads spun together into the tapestry of the self, what of the person whose life was spun from imaginary fabrics?
The truth continues to be obscured from the public. Despite carrying the prince's soul and inheriting his physical form, there would surely be an uproar upon the discovery that the current king had once shared more in common with a dragon than with the average person meandering down Sunlumeo Street. On the other hand, Will supposes there is some comfort in the fact that he'd truly earned his title. And someday, there'd stand another who managed to garner the public's trust as his future successor.
The smile on his face hasn't faltered just yet. It remains as Strohl holds onto him tighter, even if Will's face continues to be obscured from his sight. ]
Of course you relied on me. ...a candidate who can't shoulder all of that is one that isn't worth anyone's support.
[ He won't call them "burdens" because that term didn't fit at all. Everyone's struggles, their troubles -- they hadn't been things that weighed him down, not when he willingly and gladly encircled them with his own arms, bearing them for a little while until they were prepared to face those demons themselves. ]
You... remember what you said about about my Father, don't you? Back when we were in the palace in the sky.
[ It still feels strange to call that clemar man his Father, even if it were true. It's strange using that familial term for a man he barely knew.
There is a chasm of difference though between himself and King Hythlodaeus V, the wizened king who'd deteriorated from isolation. It is why Will can lift his head now to turn his face towards Strohl, aquamarine gaze tinted with quiet affection. ]
Maybe I don't need to worry about that yet. Or ever. Not when I have such reliable allies at my side.
[ He offers Strohl's arm a reassuring squeeze. ]
And besides, I think I'm a little better at delegating now.
[ But they're not here as King and General, and Strohl asks that he do more than seek aid from him as one of his Partisans, seeking support from him not only within their duties but even beyond that. Will's eyes drift shut as he takes in each of his friend's questions, every single one of them carefully constructed to emphasize the mutuality of their regard for each other. Friends, companions, one who is so very precious to the other that their existence is irreplaceable -- those sentiments have Will holding onto Strohl a little tighter as well. ]
...you're right, Strohl. I guess it's only fair, since I'd like for you to continue doing the same and sharing whatever weighs on you.
[ He lowers his arms for a moment, enough to let him tug one of his black gloves off his hand before lifting it again with his pinkie raised. The sleeve of his white coat falls ever so slightly, revealing a sliver of the iridescent blue band that rarely leaves his wrist. ]
I'll promise to share if you do too.
[ There's a brief pause as warmth rises in his cheeks. ]
...Maria showed me this is what you do to make a promise with someone.
no subject
Date: 2024-12-11 03:23 am (UTC)[ If he couldn't carry the weight of the people that he cared for, how could he carry the weight of the entire country?
He blinks at the question. A moment of apology comes and goes, but he soon nods that he remembers what he said about him. He didn't want the man to just give excuses for why things did not go his way. The corner of his mouth twists, as he understands Will, too, does not want to give any excuses for why something may not work out. ]
You're right. You won't ever have to worry about such a situation... we will never leave you on your own. But more than that, you're someone who would not give in...
[ When they all abandoned the ship to cut Will a path to Louis, they believed in him. It was also what he had feared the most. Everyone falling and failing; all of them losing their lives. And Will possibly dying alone. Yet -- he did not recall feeling fear in that moment. His heart felt light and at ease, because of that faith that he had in him.
Even if he fell, he did his duty as a noble, as a friend, as someone who loved him; he did all that he could and knew that he could rely on him to do the rest.
Certainly, they were all saved and carried on to the end, but in those seconds when life was uncertain, he felt such warmth -- that is what Will has given them. A belief in something - in someone - more than themselves. So -- ]
It means the world to me that you view yourself as real... as yourself... as a person... because of the hope that you've given all of us in our lowest moments.
[ A brief smile. ]
It'd be wrong of me to change now, wouldn't it, Captain?
[ A softness grows in his stare as he looks at the band on his wrist. He feels a heat rise up the back of his neck and nearly come out as a blush upon his face. He pulled his hand back so that he could rub the side of his face. ]
When you put it like that... I can't say no.
[ He breathes out and in.
The landscape isn't perfect, but this is the place that has meant the most to both of them. It's where he concluded what he should do; when he talked of his future; where they both dreamed together of Halia and what awaited them. How he decided to be a better man than he was yesterday - to always take one more step forward. ]
It's a bit unorthodox... but I suppose I have been courting you for little over a year now... still... [ He reaches his hand out to wrap his pinky around Will's, squeezing their fingers together. A small laugh escapes him. ] ... I promise to share these troubles with you. I promise to listen to yours. And I promise to as I have always... hold you deeply in my heart.
no subject
Date: 2024-12-12 04:08 am (UTC)There is no need to dwell on what it might be like, pursuing his rule utterly alone. That struggle had already come to pass. They'd won, and it was a victory they'd fought for tooth and nail. ]
I couldn't --
[ No, that's not quite right. ]
I... didn't want to give in. Not when all of you decided to entrust the future to me.
[ It's the least he could do to repay everyone for their steadfast faith. If that was the case, then shouldn't the same rationale apply to his doubts about himself? There were times when shadows cast themselves across his heart, those moments typically following the sudden phantom pain, or when he'd caught his reflection in the mirror while feeling a little fatigued.
Early on and in the privacy of his own chambers, he'd spent time examining and acquainting himself with his form in a large looking glass. How strange it was, to go from a body that certainly looked and felt like flesh but was in actuality composed of magla. Perhaps that had been why he was struck with a sudden pain upon the King unleashing his royal magic, the magla flowing through his physical form seizing in the presence of a more powerful force. Yet, that form, that amalgamation of magla's experiences, that person -- it formed the basis of the prince's id, ego, and superego. ]
...I'm getting better at remembering, but your Captain might need a reminder from time to time.
[ He supposes this counts as one. Strohl smiles at him, leaving Will certainly feeling as though he and the former prince were one and the same. Strohl would not offer such a tender expression to a stranger.
That comment as Strohl reaches out with his hand to lock their pinkies together -- it leaves Will blinking before the expression gives way to something warm. ]
I... was wondering about that, actually. I wasn't sure though, not when it feels like you've treated me that way from the start.
[ He hadn't ventured to ask Strohl about it, not wishing to place his closest companion on the spot. And in truth, it was difficult to tell given that Strohl had exhibited such care and earnestness towards him even upon their initial meeting. ]
You've always had a way with words, so I guess I'll be stealing your promises.
[ Just like how he'd stolen Strohl's wishes while standing at his side before the Eht Ria bonfires.
Their oath is complete, but Will finds he doesn't want to let go of Strohl's finger just yet. It's rare that they find the opportunity to indulge in even the slightest of intimacy, leaving Will relishing what little they can enjoy out here. Out here, he can ignore the fact that he'll inevitably be accosted with future marriage proposals from nobles across the continent, their families all eager to elevate their house's status into the royal family. Out here, he can ignore the fact that the people may criticize a relationship that further consolidates power within the Six Partisans, given how there'd already been complaints about Will's decision to promote his immediate allies into his inner governing circle.
It doesn't matter out here where they're simply the elda who'd once been a lowly traveling boy and a clemar from a fallen countryside house.
Will shifts his hand twisting it ever so slightly until his palm meets Strohl's, fingers grasping onto Strohl's hand. ]
I like when you call me "Captain." It reminds me of the time we spent with everyone else. I wouldn't mind you calling me by my name too though, if you can accept dropping formalities.
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Date: 2024-12-15 09:32 pm (UTC)But an apology doesn't sound right - not now. Not when they're all together. It is and isn't something to say sorry for. Yet he realizes that it does need to be said. The years he spent punishing himself for abandoning Halia and his parents were brutal at best. Yet the letter that Will helped him find eased that pain immensely. ]
I'm sorry for almost leaving you to handle the rest. I knew that you wouldn't give in. I knew that you'd hold all our dreams and futures close and ensure they come true. But I'm sorry for those brief moments when you thought you wouldn't see them with us.
[ It isn't an apology for believing in him or weighing him down; it's for the possible future that he saw where he had to carry on without any allies by his side.
Still -- still -- Strohl believed Will would not make the same mistakes as his father did. He had seen the missteps the previous king had; how it had nearly destroyed the country. The person he loved would not falter and bring ruin even if he was alone. And he can't say he'd be alone. Gallica and Neuras would still be with him.
All the revelations that have come forward and more will probably still keep being found. It is not as though they've uncovered every plot and scheme - they've merely dealt with a great majority of them. Much like finding out that Will still struggles with the pains of the curse; he supposes it would have been too easy for it to have just gone away. Would it be too much for him to say that pain lets him know he's real? He's here? That there will always be a hand ready to hold his when he needs it?
Maybe it's too soon to say all that but he can say: ]
And I'll remember you as often as you need.
[ His face does scrunch up when Will indicates he was wondering about his courting. He feels his shoulders droop but it is because he wants to say that it's his first time trying and he has no intention of "getting better" with anyone else. But it seems the confusion comes not with how he's courting but Will not realizing he was being courted at all.
He opens his mouth and lets out a small ah noise.
Strohl does find it in himself to smile - feels the corner of his eyes crinkle at how he's praised for how he speaks. There was a time when he stumbled over his words. Not quite literally but he spoke before he thought. Now he thinks too much before he speaks. One day, he hopes there will be a middle ground. But he supposes so long as he's alive - he too will always get a little better than the day he was before.
At least, he can finally tell Will what he's been doing.
And the two of them hold hands; he feels some excitement build in his chest just being close to him like this. In his mind, he thinks of how this would look if Halia was back to what it was. The two precious keepsakes in his heart well and thriving together. Their hands are soon together, and he grasps his hand in the same way.
His eyes widen at the request. With his free hand, he covers his mouth and looks away briefly -- attempting to use the hand on his mouth to partially cover up his face. ]
The way you speak so freely like that... it's what makes me love you more. [ His stomach twists pleasantly at his confession. ] It also means I should have been just as free with what I was doing. [ He drops his free hand from his mouth. ]
I love you, Will. May I continue to love you?
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Date: 2024-12-18 03:56 am (UTC)It is his heart, the one that stuttered in his chest when Strohl first stepped before him at the recruitment center in his defense, the one that swelled as his companion bent his knee to lift the Euchronian crown into his hands.
But in truth, Will holds every word that ever leaves Strohl's lips close to his heart, including his companion's confessed appreciation for his free-spiritedness. It's a good thing then, Will thinks, that such a trait seems to come naturally to him, one who'd been born from the prince's desire to someday witness Euchronia's lands and to traverse them with his own two feet. ]
It's okay. You can start now.
[ His hand is warm in Strohl's grasp. Their fingers intertwine as he feels himself secured, a humble ship moored to a dock sturdy enough to weather any storm that might strike the shore. Should he ever lose his way, he need only look towards the light in Strohl's amber eyes, for they cut through the night, guiding his ship home where he will never need to doubt his own identity. This hand in Strohl's grasp -- it is his, and his alone.
Warmth rises in his own cheeks as Strohl finally speaks once more, the hand partially obscuring the other's face finally dropping away to offer Will a proper look at the words forming upon Strohl's lips. He does not ask whether he is permitted to hold Will dear to him, nor does he merely speak his affections into existence. The careful construction of that question must be intentional, a declaration that Strohl has cherished him for awhile. ]
Of course.
[ Will squeezes Strohl's hand, a soft smile spreading upon his face. ]
Of course you can.
[ And before Strohl has the opportunity to wonder just how much longer he should continue courting him, and before his mind becomes crowded with unnecessary thoughts, Will tugs him forward by the hand. His other hand latches onto the lapel of Strohl's coat, pulling his companion downwards to his height. He surges forward, crystalline eyes shut as he presses his lips against Strohl's. There's a hunger and an ardor in how firmly he grasps onto Strohl, unabashed in his fervor now that he's been granted permission.
This is his. The staccato pulse and heady rush surging through his veins upon finally being granted the freedom to embrace the one who'd been at his side from what was practically the start -- this is him. These thoughts, these feelings of longing finally fulfilled: they are his, and his alone.
Against Strohl's lips, he whispers something more: ]
Promise me that you'll continue, Strohl; promise me you won't ever stop.
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Date: 2024-12-26 03:49 am (UTC)It equally warms his heart that he can keep loving him. The way that he squeezes his hand makes his chest ache in the same way.
Just before he can start to think of how he'll court him properly now that Will knows his intentions - he's pulled forward. He doesn't quite take a stumbling step closer to him; it is more a half-shuffle. His eyes widen as the lapel of his coat is grabbed. He's pulled down before he can fully understand the situation.
The kiss he's given mirrors the same hunger and longing that he's felt for years. It drums in his very being. He doesn't hesitate this time - his free hand reaching up to cup the back of Will's head, pulling him closer. His eyes finally closing to sink deeper into the feeling of their mouths together; the warmth, softness, and affection felt in a simple gesture.
They pull back just enough and he hears what he has to say - that soft whisper and he swallows in turn. ]
I promise you.
[ It is almost a drunken reply, but he is firm in his resolve. ]
Of course, I won't.
[ The longing burns deeper inside him. It's a longing that comes from wanting to hold him even closer, to be even closer with him. They have so little distance between them and yet it seems like too much.
A selfish, delirious thought hits him that Halia should have been restored sooner for there is nowhere he can show all of these feelings. Well, nowhere beyond pulling Will close again to kiss him; to take his breath away as his own breath has been taken.
I love you. Those words in his head make his heart feel that much tighter. It's filled with hope, adoration, and fear. To love someone so openly is to know something might take it away. But that just means - he must do what he can to hold him that much closer.
Right? ]
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Date: 2024-12-31 05:56 am (UTC)And before he can urge Strohl to show him how seriously he intends to keep that promise, his companion is already pulling him in close again. Here, there is no Euchronian King, only the lone elda who has become Strohl's willing recipient of all his affections. In turn, Strohl is rewarded with a pleased sigh as Will's arms wrap around him, fingers grasping at his coat against his back.
They'll return to Grand Trad later with one extra secret held within their hearts. But out here where Halia once stood, it's easier for Will to feel as though they were on their journey from the past, where they were merely a traveling boy and a fallen noble. Details and particulars can come later, even if it does not change the fact that moments like this may be fewer and far between.
That truth only serves to fuel the newly-lit flame of ardor within Will. Before, it existed as warm embers, content to live on into perpetuity in that muted form if necessary. Now they flicker into a full flame thanks to Strohl's fanning of those embers, his newly-forged oath feeding it with a steady supply of tinder and kindling. Hope and adoration are thrown upon the fire, allowing it to rise and consume fear, singeing it into mere ash.
Then again, perhaps it's where they differ: Will has never feared holding others within his heart. ]
It's a little unfair of you though, Strohl.
[ Will manages to get those words out in between them melding against one another. ]
Now that I know your intentions, I'm forced to wait for the next time we can do this.
[ In spite of those words, his lips curve against Strohl's in the shape of a smile. ]
no subject
Date: 2025-01-02 05:19 am (UTC)[ His words remain just as affectionate as before. ]
Years of planned courting have gone by the wayside in just a few words and a kiss.
[ He can feel his heart ache at seeing his smile.
Of course, Strohl soon breathes out a small laugh. If he had been wiser, he should have made his intentions known from the start. But then, if he didn't hold himself back with this tenuous process of showing his feelings, he fears what he might have done. He may have grown out of his impulsive behavior, but that is something that took their journey to do. ]
But I suppose that tells you the sway that you have over me.
[ It is only Halia that is his sticking point, but that is because of the weight it holds. His home and Will are pieces that he wants to protect with everything he has. But he fears what would happen if something were to occur again. Would he be able to be steadfast and triumphant? Or would he fail them in some way? Like he did when he stepped back as Will was almost turned into a Human? The shame he felt ate at him; he almost gave up on his desire to hold him as he is now.
What right did he have to wish for a future when he could not stand with him then?
But - he can't keep hesitating because of one wrong. He can't keep acting like one mistake is the reason he shouldn't seek something better. If he does, what does that mean for the country? What does that mean for the people? A little more forgiveness is needed for everyone.
And he can't stop his heart even if he wants to do so. ]
We don't have to wait for the next time to find out what more there can be.
[ Yes, for all his romantic and adoring thoughts, he can't deny the lustful ones, either. Especially since he is holding him so close and can still feel the warmth of his mouth against his own. ]
no subject
Date: 2025-01-04 05:10 am (UTC)Careful, Strohl. You never know what someone might do after you've revealed that sort of information.
[ But hasn't Will done the same, albeit without uttering a single word? His facial expression surely says as much with lips parted and a pink flush dusting his cheeks. It's his turn to breathe out a small laugh again at the sound of Strohl's comments.
Truly, years of planned courting had been cast aside.
Will leans forward again in search of Strohl once more, fingers still grasping at the fabric of Strohl's coat. Had he the physical strength, one might not put it past Will to tear the entire article of clothing off the clemar's body. But he could never, not when it bears the crest of his companion's beloved home, the coat of arms of the very ground that they stand upon.
And perhaps it is fitting that they find themselves here in particular as they press closer to each other. There is nary a restored building standing within the ruins. The scars of destruction remain upon the cornerstones of each building. Yet, where flames had once licked the grounds bare, blades of grass have sprouted anew and blanket Halia with new life.
From these ruins, it seems something new has grown too. Based on Strohl's words, it seems to have sprung from both of their hearts. Halia is still alive. They are still alive, and the heartbeat thrumming within his chest is yet another reminder, soaring from being certain about Strohl's own feelings even if he does not yet know the true depth of them. Then again, here is Strohl, offering to show him a glimpse of it, offering to permit Will to acquaint himself with it.
He tilts his head a bit, planting a kiss at the corner of Strohl's mouth while simultaneously offering the pulse in his neck to his companion. ]
We've done enough waiting then, haven't we?
[ Will may be the king, but it seems he has no qualms with deferring to Strohl. For today, it seems all behavior from Strohl which may be unbecoming in the presence of royalty is excused. ]
no subject
Date: 2025-01-06 06:15 am (UTC)[ His voice lowers rather than joining in the playful tone.
Indeed, for all his romantic plannings, he could not deny the desire tangled deep within. Yet he knew if he chased those thoughts too far, he would be the one who failed.
Their journey together taught him patience; it taught him to build his self-control up so high as to not ruin anything between them. It is how he could remain steadfast as Will grasps so on his coat; he can feel the desperation in his grip. He swallows as his mouth goes dry - and yet he does not stop looking into his eyes.
He won't turn away from him.
Strohl knows that their hearts are beating at the same frantic pace. He tries to suck cool air in as he thinks that he should take back what he said. Perhaps, we should wait. Yet the kiss on the corner of his lips makes him swallow those hateful words. The offer given to him and the rhetorical question undoes him more.
Well, Heismay's ears can't reach this far - and there is no one here to see us.
The thoughts themselves are rational and he thinks he said them but he didn't. Instead, he pulls Will closer into his arms. He dips his head down to take what is offered - that beautiful neck. His mouth presses hot, adoring kisses across the skin. Parting his lips, he lightly bites - nips - before kissing where his mouth has been. Almost like an apology, completely in reverence to him.
Will is his Captain, still; his friend, his light. All of these things he is before he is his king. Someone would have complaints about that, but he shoves those words out of his mind as well and he takes the time just to cling to him tight - he'll let him go soon, but he can't get enough of his taste on his tongue. ]
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Date: 2025-01-07 03:51 am (UTC)Teeth scrape lightly against Will's bared neck, leaving him shuddering at the juxtaposed sensations of each nip immediately followed by a tender caress of Strohl's lips. His hand slides from Strohl's coat as an arm wraps around Strohl instead, fingers curling into his back. Here is the person who'd earnestly declared that Will could rely on him, now and always, that he need only to look over his shoulder whenever he felt weary. There, he would find hope and an outstretched hand ready to catch him should he ever stumble. ]
S-Strohl --
[ The name that rests upon Will's tongue is one that has always tasted the sweetest to him. The light rouge dusting his cheekbones blooms into a deeper pink, spurred on further by the fact that there are no walls to seclude this moment from the rest of the world. And yet, ironically, they might find themselves with less privacy had they been within the palace.
His eyes drift shut as he hums with satisfaction. Now that he's received a taste of Strohl's affections, Will finds himself craving more. It's an unfamiliar feeling, not merely because neither of them had ever laid truly laid their hands upon the other until now, but rather because he'd grown so accustomed to accepting that desire was not something he would ever find nestled within his palms.
He'd been born from desire, the Prince's wish to walk the land. But desire, wishes -- such concepts were never meant for him. What use does one created to serve another's purpose have for yearning? Simply being born from desire did not necessarily mean it was something meant for him. Even now, even after uncovering his identity as the Prince, then as the Euchronian king, he finds the concept of wishing for something for himself quite unusual.
Yet he finds himself here, craving more of what Strohl offers up to him. ]
I... want to know --
[ The fingers at Strohl's back dig a little harder into his coat. ]
Show me how much you've wanted me all this time --
no subject
Date: 2025-01-13 06:07 am (UTC)He knows how his body stills at hearing him say his name. The desire rises through him; he can feel it almost like the same fire that burned in his chest upon his awakening. Some sense tries to come back to him. A voice tells him: Be reasonable. If you keep acting this way, won't it be shameful to return to the carriage? He is still this country's king.
Of course, he dismisses that voice. It's small and only clinging to sense because he's drowning in the feelings he's been holding onto for so long. Be silent. The time has come to tell his thoughts to be quiet. Especially since it is not just up to him - the request he has for him; the command; the curiosity of what he's been holding in his heart has been given.
It's time to answer the voice that weakly protests and Will. ]
I'll show you every part of my heart. [ He has to adjust how they're holding one another; they have to part. He intends to lay his coat down on the ground - for as much comfort as he can give him. ] You are my captain, but even before that, you're the person I love first and foremost. [ As he steps back, he holds onto Will's arm - his hand sliding down the sleeve until his fingers touch skin, he gently turns his hand over, he brings it up to press a longing kiss on the inside of his wrist.
It's the most control he can continue to have before he starts roughly pulling his clothes off - remembering only to put the coat down as he initially intended to do. He did think to pull Will's clothes off but knew he would rip them off in impatience.
Strohl doesn't care about that as much with his clothes, but if he hears the sound of the material tearing, he fears what would be left of his senses. ]
no subject
Date: 2025-01-16 03:09 am (UTC)His heart thrums within his chest as Strohl's hand slides down his sleeve, bare fingertips brushing against naked skin peeking between that same fabric and the cuff of his gloves. And Strohl holds him so gently, lifting the hand to plant another kiss against the pale skin of his wrist. This is how Strohl has always been with him, suspending Will within his hands like something precious even when those very same hands were capable of wielding that giant greatsword of his with ease.
In fact, that very same energy is on full display as Strohl's fingers fall away from Will's wrist to begin tugging his own clothes off. There's a small laugh from Will, though the sound it makes is barely a slight exhale. No matter how measured and controlled Strohl tried to conduct himself, Will knows this is Strohl in his element, fire in his veins while driven by heart as opposed to head.
Not that it means Will isn't any less eager than Strohl. His fingers work deftly to unbutton his own coat, setting it aside before the rest follow shortly afterwards. There's a moment of hesitation as he glances down at Strohl's own laid upon the grass. Like this, it may inevitably result in streaks of dark green. Will has seen how meticulously Strohl minds that one article of clothing, given how it is adorned with his house's crest. But here he is, readily offering it up for the sake of Will's comfort. If that's the case, Will thinks he should ensure that his gratitude for Strohl's thoughtfulness is reflected in his future ministrations.
So he reaches forward, a smile curving upon his lips as he takes Strohl by the hand, coaxing him to join him as he settles on his back. This is far from the first time they'd seen one another like this, given all the times they'd indulged in the Altabury hot springs. And because of that, there is no need for Will to feel self-conscious about the mottled flesh over his heart and the shadows of briars stretching across his chest. It is, however... certainly the first time that Will has laid eyes upon Strohl from this particular angle. His general, the person he has always loved first and foremost, has always been breathtaking, but to see just how deeply Strohl has wanted this based on the flush dusting his cheeks...
He reaches up with both hands, cradling Strohl's face between two palms. ]
Let me see it all, Strohl. Let me feel you, every part of your heart.
no subject
Date: 2025-02-18 05:53 am (UTC)To cherish each moment that he had with him; to anger at the injustice that he's suffered. The machinations of cruel men did this to him, and he would not stand for another to ruin him - even if that hand may be his own.
But wasn't that conceited? Wasn't that wrong? They've walked together and traveled through so much; he was one of his beginning companions but Will was Strohl's first. He was the first one he felt he could believe in; felt he could rely upon; felt he could die for without any regret.
It was such a heavy burden to put on another person that he feared what would happen if he let Will know how deep his feelings ran.
.
.
.
Certainly, it is nice to have these introspective thoughts as he's ripping the clothes off his own body.
His thoughts and actions are at odds with one another. That has always been a problem for him, in one way or another. Before it was because he spoke before he thought; then it became he thought before he spoke. To grow, he found new weaknesses, but he would always have one true vice.
He would give Will just about anything he asked for; in the hands of a wicked man, he knows that could spell so much ruin. But Will is ... Will. Fallible, hopeful, and good. A person who seeks out answers and questions his actions rather than believe himself to always be right.
His arms wrap around him, pulling him in close; naked flesh against naked flesh. He's kneeling slightly so that he can press his lips against where the mottled flesh is over his heart. Kissing the wounded area as he wanted to do when he first saw it. Running his hands and fingers over the shadows of those briars - believing his touch to be healing something deep in his soul. Or feeding into the fire of what is being created here.
Just tasting the skin under his mouth is enough to make his breath come out hard and heavy. It's a longing that he has denied himself yet is being allowed to indulge. ]
I can't promise it won't be suffocating... but what is in my heart is yours.