[ Outrage rolls up his back but he holds back the words that might come spilling out. Instead, his body only poses to start to say something yet his head drops instead. Strohl breathes out and he realizes the tightness in his chest is not only from anxiety and fear but because he stopped breathing in those few moments.
He didn't want to miss any sound, any hint, that may come from Will to help him. ]
Happens sometimes? How - does Hulkenberg know?
[ Somehow, the red-haired knight comes to mind first. He already knows the answer would be "no;" her worry and guilt for what happened to him before would cloud her judgment now. His shoulders droop as he understands that Will wouldn't want to worry his people, his friends, and that is why he can keep his outrage down.
Few, if any, of Will's actions have been out of malice or narcissism. But -- ]
Why do you have to carry so much on your own? No -- I don't mean say you don't think we're trustworthy. I know you better than that, but --
[ His head tips up as he realizes something odd in the way that Will speaks. He hasn't pulled away from him, either; he doesn't even think the closeness is odd or troublesome. If anything, he would feel like he'd worry more if they suddenly parted. ]
To him? The prince?
[ The hand that gripped his shoulder reaches up to rest against his face as it did before; his voice and questions are soft. Not really searching for answers for what he's saying but letting himself feel the deep pain of what is being implied. ]
Will -- that's you. That's still you.
[ He blinks rapidly; his lips press together into a thin line. His head turns slightly, staring at the rubble around him, and breathes in deep. ]
You are our prince, our king. You fought for yourself. This body -- it's yours. It's you.
[ No, he couldn't burden Hulkenberg with an extra concern, not when his condition might be an unintentional slight to her in particular. She'd confided to him once that there were times when she still awoke in a cold sweat, heart racing, over the memory of her failure to protect the prince in his youth. Over the memory of her failure to protect him. All he could do was try to smile, to reassure her that the prince was still alive and well, for he was standing before her, was he not? In that moment, he could even persuade himself that it had been that very same prince who'd been crowned upon that stage.
Will shakes his head, even as it continues to rest against Strohl's shoulder. ]
Only Heismay. I... couldn't keep it from him, not with how good his hearing is.
[ He can speak freely only because they are not here as ruler and liege. For the time being, there is no King and there is no General, only Will and Strohl. There is no King and there is no General, and perhaps that's why Will finds he can lean into Strohl's touch without any qualms. ]
I didn't want to take on the name Hythlodaeus VI after my coronation. I wanted my name to mark the start of a new era, but... it didn't feel right to me either. Not when that name should have gone to him.
[ Still, relief wells within him upon hearing Strohl assert that he's always been Will even after he'd become one with the prince's physical form. But Strohl had sworn as much, hadn't he? After Louis had corrupted his form, Strohl promised he would not fall victim to any doubts about Will's identity.
Even now, where Will falters, Strohl keeps that promise. ]
My memories -- they weren't real at all. I was just a vessel, even if I did carry his hopes and dreams. ...when I realized nothing I knew about myself was true, I thought -- maybe Louis was right. Maybe I did trick everyone around me into thinking I was someone who didn't exist.
[ He sighs, a weary smile resting on his face. ]
But... you're right. Our journey was real. The person you came to know is real.
[ There's a small exhale now, a quiet laugh escaping from Will. ]
Thank you, Strohl. We came here to give you ideas for seeing Halia renewed, but here I am leaning on you instead.
Guess it would be impossible for him not to hear...
[ Especially since he's certain Will wouldn't be able to time when these attacks occur. Heismay would also know better than to break his trust by telling anyone else; he is the kind of figure that will protect and shelter anyone until they are ready themselves. ]
While I understand those feelings some... [ Strohl pauses, fingers tapping lightly on his shoulders; he realizes they're still close but hasn't pulled away. It feels wrong to - more than any action that he could do. ] ... that name and this is yours. But if you feel more yourself as "Will"... there's nothing else to say, is there?
[ He lightly shakes his head side-to-side when he says that he tricked everyone into thinking he was someone who didn't exist. His hands grip tighter onto him, afraid that he might truly fade away. Maybe, that, too, is why he can't pull himself away.
But he does feel some relief when he admits their journey and who he is is real. ]
You can lean on me as much as you want... as much as you need. The heavens only know how often I have relied on you even when I knew you had your own struggles and troubles. [ He runs his tongue over his lips. ] Yet you cared and looked after us as we fumbled through. I'm certain I'm not the only one who would attribute knowing you as to why they could change into someone they're proud of being, Will.
Little by little, you've changed all of our lives for the better... you've changed us for the better... you carried the weight of saving yourself, the kingdom, and- and - fighting to be king... to being king... you let us support you with these duties and tasks, but still, I fear you let yourself stand alone.
[ His mouth offers a sad smile. ] Much like myself. I anguish alone rather than want to worry others... because there is still so, so much more to do, but... what are we if not friends? If not companions? If ... if not precious to one another?
[ It's a difficult tale to explain to one who hadn't personally witnessed that moment deep within the Eldan Sanctum. After all, even Will realizes how far-fetched it sounds, the fact that he'd been born from a divine relic, magla that sprung forth from the prince's heart which coalesced into corporeal form. That soul had traversed the land, ultimately returning to rescue his original self.
Yet if all memories are individual threads spun together into the tapestry of the self, what of the person whose life was spun from imaginary fabrics?
The truth continues to be obscured from the public. Despite carrying the prince's soul and inheriting his physical form, there would surely be an uproar upon the discovery that the current king had once shared more in common with a dragon than with the average person meandering down Sunlumeo Street. On the other hand, Will supposes there is some comfort in the fact that he'd truly earned his title. And someday, there'd stand another who managed to garner the public's trust as his future successor.
The smile on his face hasn't faltered just yet. It remains as Strohl holds onto him tighter, even if Will's face continues to be obscured from his sight. ]
Of course you relied on me. ...a candidate who can't shoulder all of that is one that isn't worth anyone's support.
[ He won't call them "burdens" because that term didn't fit at all. Everyone's struggles, their troubles -- they hadn't been things that weighed him down, not when he willingly and gladly encircled them with his own arms, bearing them for a little while until they were prepared to face those demons themselves. ]
You... remember what you said about about my Father, don't you? Back when we were in the palace in the sky.
[ It still feels strange to call that clemar man his Father, even if it were true. It's strange using that familial term for a man he barely knew.
There is a chasm of difference though between himself and King Hythlodaeus V, the wizened king who'd deteriorated from isolation. It is why Will can lift his head now to turn his face towards Strohl, aquamarine gaze tinted with quiet affection. ]
Maybe I don't need to worry about that yet. Or ever. Not when I have such reliable allies at my side.
[ He offers Strohl's arm a reassuring squeeze. ]
And besides, I think I'm a little better at delegating now.
[ But they're not here as King and General, and Strohl asks that he do more than seek aid from him as one of his Partisans, seeking support from him not only within their duties but even beyond that. Will's eyes drift shut as he takes in each of his friend's questions, every single one of them carefully constructed to emphasize the mutuality of their regard for each other. Friends, companions, one who is so very precious to the other that their existence is irreplaceable -- those sentiments have Will holding onto Strohl a little tighter as well. ]
...you're right, Strohl. I guess it's only fair, since I'd like for you to continue doing the same and sharing whatever weighs on you.
[ He lowers his arms for a moment, enough to let him tug one of his black gloves off his hand before lifting it again with his pinkie raised. The sleeve of his white coat falls ever so slightly, revealing a sliver of the iridescent blue band that rarely leaves his wrist. ]
I'll promise to share if you do too.
[ There's a brief pause as warmth rises in his cheeks. ]
...Maria showed me this is what you do to make a promise with someone.
[ If he couldn't carry the weight of the people that he cared for, how could he carry the weight of the entire country?
He blinks at the question. A moment of apology comes and goes, but he soon nods that he remembers what he said about him. He didn't want the man to just give excuses for why things did not go his way. The corner of his mouth twists, as he understands Will, too, does not want to give any excuses for why something may not work out. ]
You're right. You won't ever have to worry about such a situation... we will never leave you on your own. But more than that, you're someone who would not give in...
[ When they all abandoned the ship to cut Will a path to Louis, they believed in him. It was also what he had feared the most. Everyone falling and failing; all of them losing their lives. And Will possibly dying alone. Yet -- he did not recall feeling fear in that moment. His heart felt light and at ease, because of that faith that he had in him.
Even if he fell, he did his duty as a noble, as a friend, as someone who loved him; he did all that he could and knew that he could rely on him to do the rest.
Certainly, they were all saved and carried on to the end, but in those seconds when life was uncertain, he felt such warmth -- that is what Will has given them. A belief in something - in someone - more than themselves. So -- ]
It means the world to me that you view yourself as real... as yourself... as a person... because of the hope that you've given all of us in our lowest moments.
[ A brief smile. ]
It'd be wrong of me to change now, wouldn't it, Captain?
[ A softness grows in his stare as he looks at the band on his wrist. He feels a heat rise up the back of his neck and nearly come out as a blush upon his face. He pulled his hand back so that he could rub the side of his face. ]
When you put it like that... I can't say no.
[ He breathes out and in.
The landscape isn't perfect, but this is the place that has meant the most to both of them. It's where he concluded what he should do; when he talked of his future; where they both dreamed together of Halia and what awaited them. How he decided to be a better man than he was yesterday - to always take one more step forward. ]
It's a bit unorthodox... but I suppose I have been courting you for little over a year now... still... [ He reaches his hand out to wrap his pinky around Will's, squeezing their fingers together. A small laugh escapes him. ] ... I promise to share these troubles with you. I promise to listen to yours. And I promise to as I have always... hold you deeply in my heart.
[ Everyone had been prepared to put their lives on the line, all for the sake of raising him to Euchronia's throne. It's why Will had responded in the affirmative, that he understood Strohl's proposal for the rest of them to hang back and hold the line. He'd sworn to himself that he would not let the others' sacrifice be in vain, and yet there'd been a distinct ache in his chest, the sudden reminder that from the very beginning there hadn't been any guarantee everyone would make it to the very end. They could pledge to each other that they'd reach for and seize victory at one another's sides, but until they actually arrived at that horizon it would remain as an unknown.
There is no need to dwell on what it might be like, pursuing his rule utterly alone. That struggle had already come to pass. They'd won, and it was a victory they'd fought for tooth and nail. ]
I couldn't --
[ No, that's not quite right. ]
I... didn't want to give in. Not when all of you decided to entrust the future to me.
[ It's the least he could do to repay everyone for their steadfast faith. If that was the case, then shouldn't the same rationale apply to his doubts about himself? There were times when shadows cast themselves across his heart, those moments typically following the sudden phantom pain, or when he'd caught his reflection in the mirror while feeling a little fatigued.
Early on and in the privacy of his own chambers, he'd spent time examining and acquainting himself with his form in a large looking glass. How strange it was, to go from a body that certainly looked and felt like flesh but was in actuality composed of magla. Perhaps that had been why he was struck with a sudden pain upon the King unleashing his royal magic, the magla flowing through his physical form seizing in the presence of a more powerful force. Yet, that form, that amalgamation of magla's experiences, that person -- it formed the basis of the prince's id, ego, and superego. ]
...I'm getting better at remembering, but your Captain might need a reminder from time to time.
[ He supposes this counts as one. Strohl smiles at him, leaving Will certainly feeling as though he and the former prince were one and the same. Strohl would not offer such a tender expression to a stranger.
That comment as Strohl reaches out with his hand to lock their pinkies together -- it leaves Will blinking before the expression gives way to something warm. ]
I... was wondering about that, actually. I wasn't sure though, not when it feels like you've treated me that way from the start.
[ He hadn't ventured to ask Strohl about it, not wishing to place his closest companion on the spot. And in truth, it was difficult to tell given that Strohl had exhibited such care and earnestness towards him even upon their initial meeting. ]
You've always had a way with words, so I guess I'll be stealing your promises.
[ Just like how he'd stolen Strohl's wishes while standing at his side before the Eht Ria bonfires.
Their oath is complete, but Will finds he doesn't want to let go of Strohl's finger just yet. It's rare that they find the opportunity to indulge in even the slightest of intimacy, leaving Will relishing what little they can enjoy out here. Out here, he can ignore the fact that he'll inevitably be accosted with future marriage proposals from nobles across the continent, their families all eager to elevate their house's status into the royal family. Out here, he can ignore the fact that the people may criticize a relationship that further consolidates power within the Six Partisans, given how there'd already been complaints about Will's decision to promote his immediate allies into his inner governing circle.
It doesn't matter out here where they're simply the elda who'd once been a lowly traveling boy and a clemar from a fallen countryside house.
Will shifts his hand twisting it ever so slightly until his palm meets Strohl's, fingers grasping onto Strohl's hand. ]
I like when you call me "Captain." It reminds me of the time we spent with everyone else. I wouldn't mind you calling me by my name too though, if you can accept dropping formalities.
Edited (added new icons and now All my icons in threads are a mess WHATEVER) Date: 2024-12-15 08:56 pm (UTC)
[ In a moment, Strohl understands the weight of what they put on Will's shoulders by staying behind. It is not an easy burden to carry; he knows better than most the trauma and pain of being trusted to create a bright future while those he cares for die to keep him and others safe.
But an apology doesn't sound right - not now. Not when they're all together. It is and isn't something to say sorry for. Yet he realizes that it does need to be said. The years he spent punishing himself for abandoning Halia and his parents were brutal at best. Yet the letter that Will helped him find eased that pain immensely. ]
I'm sorry for almost leaving you to handle the rest. I knew that you wouldn't give in. I knew that you'd hold all our dreams and futures close and ensure they come true. But I'm sorry for those brief moments when you thought you wouldn't see them with us.
[ It isn't an apology for believing in him or weighing him down; it's for the possible future that he saw where he had to carry on without any allies by his side.
Still -- still -- Strohl believed Will would not make the same mistakes as his father did. He had seen the missteps the previous king had; how it had nearly destroyed the country. The person he loved would not falter and bring ruin even if he was alone. And he can't say he'd be alone. Gallica and Neuras would still be with him.
All the revelations that have come forward and more will probably still keep being found. It is not as though they've uncovered every plot and scheme - they've merely dealt with a great majority of them. Much like finding out that Will still struggles with the pains of the curse; he supposes it would have been too easy for it to have just gone away. Would it be too much for him to say that pain lets him know he's real? He's here? That there will always be a hand ready to hold his when he needs it?
Maybe it's too soon to say all that but he can say: ]
And I'll remember you as often as you need.
[ His face does scrunch up when Will indicates he was wondering about his courting. He feels his shoulders droop but it is because he wants to say that it's his first time trying and he has no intention of "getting better" with anyone else. But it seems the confusion comes not with how he's courting but Will not realizing he was being courted at all.
He opens his mouth and lets out a small ah noise.
Strohl does find it in himself to smile - feels the corner of his eyes crinkle at how he's praised for how he speaks. There was a time when he stumbled over his words. Not quite literally but he spoke before he thought. Now he thinks too much before he speaks. One day, he hopes there will be a middle ground. But he supposes so long as he's alive - he too will always get a little better than the day he was before.
At least, he can finally tell Will what he's been doing.
And the two of them hold hands; he feels some excitement build in his chest just being close to him like this. In his mind, he thinks of how this would look if Halia was back to what it was. The two precious keepsakes in his heart well and thriving together. Their hands are soon together, and he grasps his hand in the same way.
His eyes widen at the request. With his free hand, he covers his mouth and looks away briefly -- attempting to use the hand on his mouth to partially cover up his face. ]
The way you speak so freely like that... it's what makes me love you more. [ His stomach twists pleasantly at his confession. ] It also means I should have been just as free with what I was doing. [ He drops his free hand from his mouth. ]
[ And though the apology isn't exactly necessary, Will listens to each earnest plea for atonement. They make their way into his heart and nestle deep within it, all while it cradles the knowledge that Strohl held such unflinching faith in him. That same faith is precisely what allows Will to lean on him, to trust in each future reassurance that Strohl will inevitably offer.
It is his heart, the one that stuttered in his chest when Strohl first stepped before him at the recruitment center in his defense, the one that swelled as his companion bent his knee to lift the Euchronian crown into his hands.
But in truth, Will holds every word that ever leaves Strohl's lips close to his heart, including his companion's confessed appreciation for his free-spiritedness. It's a good thing then, Will thinks, that such a trait seems to come naturally to him, one who'd been born from the prince's desire to someday witness Euchronia's lands and to traverse them with his own two feet. ]
It's okay. You can start now.
[ His hand is warm in Strohl's grasp. Their fingers intertwine as he feels himself secured, a humble ship moored to a dock sturdy enough to weather any storm that might strike the shore. Should he ever lose his way, he need only look towards the light in Strohl's amber eyes, for they cut through the night, guiding his ship home where he will never need to doubt his own identity. This hand in Strohl's grasp -- it is his, and his alone.
Warmth rises in his own cheeks as Strohl finally speaks once more, the hand partially obscuring the other's face finally dropping away to offer Will a proper look at the words forming upon Strohl's lips. He does not ask whether he is permitted to hold Will dear to him, nor does he merely speak his affections into existence. The careful construction of that question must be intentional, a declaration that Strohl has cherished him for awhile. ]
Of course.
[ Will squeezes Strohl's hand, a soft smile spreading upon his face. ]
Of course you can.
[ And before Strohl has the opportunity to wonder just how much longer he should continue courting him, and before his mind becomes crowded with unnecessary thoughts, Will tugs him forward by the hand. His other hand latches onto the lapel of Strohl's coat, pulling his companion downwards to his height. He surges forward, crystalline eyes shut as he presses his lips against Strohl's. There's a hunger and an ardor in how firmly he grasps onto Strohl, unabashed in his fervor now that he's been granted permission.
This is his. The staccato pulse and heady rush surging through his veins upon finally being granted the freedom to embrace the one who'd been at his side from what was practically the start -- this is him. These thoughts, these feelings of longing finally fulfilled: they are his, and his alone.
Against Strohl's lips, he whispers something more: ]
Promise me that you'll continue, Strohl; promise me you won't ever stop.
It equally warms his heart that he can keep loving him. The way that he squeezes his hand makes his chest ache in the same way.
Just before he can start to think of how he'll court him properly now that Will knows his intentions - he's pulled forward. He doesn't quite take a stumbling step closer to him; it is more a half-shuffle. His eyes widen as the lapel of his coat is grabbed. He's pulled down before he can fully understand the situation.
The kiss he's given mirrors the same hunger and longing that he's felt for years. It drums in his very being. He doesn't hesitate this time - his free hand reaching up to cup the back of Will's head, pulling him closer. His eyes finally closing to sink deeper into the feeling of their mouths together; the warmth, softness, and affection felt in a simple gesture.
They pull back just enough and he hears what he has to say - that soft whisper and he swallows in turn. ]
I promise you.
[ It is almost a drunken reply, but he is firm in his resolve. ]
Of course, I won't.
[ The longing burns deeper inside him. It's a longing that comes from wanting to hold him even closer, to be even closer with him. They have so little distance between them and yet it seems like too much.
A selfish, delirious thought hits him that Halia should have been restored sooner for there is nowhere he can show all of these feelings. Well, nowhere beyond pulling Will close again to kiss him; to take his breath away as his own breath has been taken.
I love you. Those words in his head make his heart feel that much tighter. It's filled with hope, adoration, and fear. To love someone so openly is to know something might take it away. But that just means - he must do what he can to hold him that much closer.
[ A simple gesture it may be, and yet it is more than enough to satisfy Will. Strohl pulls him in closer, a gentle hand at the back of his head guiding and encouraging him to indulge deeper. He can't help but lean in a bit as Strohl pulls back, reluctant to part but acquiescing all the same. The brief pause is worth every second though; the three words and their follow-up breathed from Strohl's lips leave Will's heart shuddering within his chest.
And before he can urge Strohl to show him how seriously he intends to keep that promise, his companion is already pulling him in close again. Here, there is no Euchronian King, only the lone elda who has become Strohl's willing recipient of all his affections. In turn, Strohl is rewarded with a pleased sigh as Will's arms wrap around him, fingers grasping at his coat against his back.
They'll return to Grand Trad later with one extra secret held within their hearts. But out here where Halia once stood, it's easier for Will to feel as though they were on their journey from the past, where they were merely a traveling boy and a fallen noble. Details and particulars can come later, even if it does not change the fact that moments like this may be fewer and far between.
That truth only serves to fuel the newly-lit flame of ardor within Will. Before, it existed as warm embers, content to live on into perpetuity in that muted form if necessary. Now they flicker into a full flame thanks to Strohl's fanning of those embers, his newly-forged oath feeding it with a steady supply of tinder and kindling. Hope and adoration are thrown upon the fire, allowing it to rise and consume fear, singeing it into mere ash.
Then again, perhaps it's where they differ: Will has never feared holding others within his heart. ]
It's a little unfair of you though, Strohl.
[ Will manages to get those words out in between them melding against one another. ]
Now that I know your intentions, I'm forced to wait for the next time we can do this.
[ In spite of those words, his lips curve against Strohl's in the shape of a smile. ]
[ His words remain just as affectionate as before. ]
Years of planned courting have gone by the wayside in just a few words and a kiss.
[ He can feel his heart ache at seeing his smile.
Of course, Strohl soon breathes out a small laugh. If he had been wiser, he should have made his intentions known from the start. But then, if he didn't hold himself back with this tenuous process of showing his feelings, he fears what he might have done. He may have grown out of his impulsive behavior, but that is something that took their journey to do. ]
But I suppose that tells you the sway that you have over me.
[ It is only Halia that is his sticking point, but that is because of the weight it holds. His home and Will are pieces that he wants to protect with everything he has. But he fears what would happen if something were to occur again. Would he be able to be steadfast and triumphant? Or would he fail them in some way? Like he did when he stepped back as Will was almost turned into a Human? The shame he felt ate at him; he almost gave up on his desire to hold him as he is now.
What right did he have to wish for a future when he could not stand with him then?
But - he can't keep hesitating because of one wrong. He can't keep acting like one mistake is the reason he shouldn't seek something better. If he does, what does that mean for the country? What does that mean for the people? A little more forgiveness is needed for everyone.
And he can't stop his heart even if he wants to do so. ]
We don't have to wait for the next time to find out what more there can be.
[ Yes, for all his romantic and adoring thoughts, he can't deny the lustful ones, either. Especially since he is holding him so close and can still feel the warmth of his mouth against his own. ]
[ Now that he has certainty within his heart, Will can't say whether he has the patience to endure those years of planned courting. Perhaps it's ultimately for the best then, that he's stepped forward to shatter that barrier with a few words and a kiss. ]
Careful, Strohl. You never know what someone might do after you've revealed that sort of information.
[ But hasn't Will done the same, albeit without uttering a single word? His facial expression surely says as much with lips parted and a pink flush dusting his cheeks. It's his turn to breathe out a small laugh again at the sound of Strohl's comments.
Truly, years of planned courting had been cast aside.
Will leans forward again in search of Strohl once more, fingers still grasping at the fabric of Strohl's coat. Had he the physical strength, one might not put it past Will to tear the entire article of clothing off the clemar's body. But he could never, not when it bears the crest of his companion's beloved home, the coat of arms of the very ground that they stand upon.
And perhaps it is fitting that they find themselves here in particular as they press closer to each other. There is nary a restored building standing within the ruins. The scars of destruction remain upon the cornerstones of each building. Yet, where flames had once licked the grounds bare, blades of grass have sprouted anew and blanket Halia with new life.
From these ruins, it seems something new has grown too. Based on Strohl's words, it seems to have sprung from both of their hearts. Halia is still alive. They are still alive, and the heartbeat thrumming within his chest is yet another reminder, soaring from being certain about Strohl's own feelings even if he does not yet know the true depth of them. Then again, here is Strohl, offering to show him a glimpse of it, offering to permit Will to acquaint himself with it.
He tilts his head a bit, planting a kiss at the corner of Strohl's mouth while simultaneously offering the pulse in his neck to his companion. ]
We've done enough waiting then, haven't we?
[ Will may be the king, but it seems he has no qualms with deferring to Strohl. For today, it seems all behavior from Strohl which may be unbecoming in the presence of royalty is excused. ]
[ His voice lowers rather than joining in the playful tone.
Indeed, for all his romantic plannings, he could not deny the desire tangled deep within. Yet he knew if he chased those thoughts too far, he would be the one who failed.
Their journey together taught him patience; it taught him to build his self-control up so high as to not ruin anything between them. It is how he could remain steadfast as Will grasps so on his coat; he can feel the desperation in his grip. He swallows as his mouth goes dry - and yet he does not stop looking into his eyes.
He won't turn away from him.
Strohl knows that their hearts are beating at the same frantic pace. He tries to suck cool air in as he thinks that he should take back what he said. Perhaps, we should wait. Yet the kiss on the corner of his lips makes him swallow those hateful words. The offer given to him and the rhetorical question undoes him more.
Well, Heismay's ears can't reach this far - and there is no one here to see us.
The thoughts themselves are rational and he thinks he said them but he didn't. Instead, he pulls Will closer into his arms. He dips his head down to take what is offered - that beautiful neck. His mouth presses hot, adoring kisses across the skin. Parting his lips, he lightly bites - nips - before kissing where his mouth has been. Almost like an apology, completely in reverence to him.
Will is his Captain, still; his friend, his light. All of these things he is before he is his king. Someone would have complaints about that, but he shoves those words out of his mind as well and he takes the time just to cling to him tight - he'll let him go soon, but he can't get enough of his taste on his tongue. ]
[ Not a single word makes it past Strohl's lips. There is no need. His actions speak clearly for him as he pulls Will in closer, assenting and capitulating to the question that hangs in the air. In truth, Will had been of a similar mindset. They are out of sight from prying eyes, and while it is said that the walls have ears, there are none to be spotted across what remained of Halia.
Teeth scrape lightly against Will's bared neck, leaving him shuddering at the juxtaposed sensations of each nip immediately followed by a tender caress of Strohl's lips. His hand slides from Strohl's coat as an arm wraps around Strohl instead, fingers curling into his back. Here is the person who'd earnestly declared that Will could rely on him, now and always, that he need only to look over his shoulder whenever he felt weary. There, he would find hope and an outstretched hand ready to catch him should he ever stumble. ]
S-Strohl --
[ The name that rests upon Will's tongue is one that has always tasted the sweetest to him. The light rouge dusting his cheekbones blooms into a deeper pink, spurred on further by the fact that there are no walls to seclude this moment from the rest of the world. And yet, ironically, they might find themselves with less privacy had they been within the palace.
His eyes drift shut as he hums with satisfaction. Now that he's received a taste of Strohl's affections, Will finds himself craving more. It's an unfamiliar feeling, not merely because neither of them had ever laid truly laid their hands upon the other until now, but rather because he'd grown so accustomed to accepting that desire was not something he would ever find nestled within his palms.
He'd been born from desire, the Prince's wish to walk the land. But desire, wishes -- such concepts were never meant for him. What use does one created to serve another's purpose have for yearning? Simply being born from desire did not necessarily mean it was something meant for him. Even now, even after uncovering his identity as the Prince, then as the Euchronian king, he finds the concept of wishing for something for himself quite unusual.
Yet he finds himself here, craving more of what Strohl offers up to him. ]
I... want to know --
[ The fingers at Strohl's back dig a little harder into his coat. ]
Show me how much you've wanted me all this time --
[ It only somewhat bothers him that he didn't get to say everything he thought. And only somewhat because it seems like his feelings came through anyway; the way that he holds onto him; how he pants slightly each time his lips pull away from Will's neck only to press more needy kisses against his skin.
He knows how his body stills at hearing him say his name. The desire rises through him; he can feel it almost like the same fire that burned in his chest upon his awakening. Some sense tries to come back to him. A voice tells him: Be reasonable. If you keep acting this way, won't it be shameful to return to the carriage? He is still this country's king.
Of course, he dismisses that voice. It's small and only clinging to sense because he's drowning in the feelings he's been holding onto for so long. Be silent. The time has come to tell his thoughts to be quiet. Especially since it is not just up to him - the request he has for him; the command; the curiosity of what he's been holding in his heart has been given.
It's time to answer the voice that weakly protests and Will. ]
I'll show you every part of my heart. [ He has to adjust how they're holding one another; they have to part. He intends to lay his coat down on the ground - for as much comfort as he can give him. ] You are my captain, but even before that, you're the person I love first and foremost. [ As he steps back, he holds onto Will's arm - his hand sliding down the sleeve until his fingers touch skin, he gently turns his hand over, he brings it up to press a longing kiss on the inside of his wrist.
It's the most control he can continue to have before he starts roughly pulling his clothes off - remembering only to put the coat down as he initially intended to do. He did think to pull Will's clothes off but knew he would rip them off in impatience.
Strohl doesn't care about that as much with his clothes, but if he hears the sound of the material tearing, he fears what would be left of his senses. ]
[ There's one last kiss pressed against his neck before the two of them must part. Strohl's response reassures Will that it won't be for very long. Yes, every part -- both the beautiful and the more unsightly shades, the ones that Strohl has potentially spent so very long trying to keep concealed out of fear of impropriety: Will wants to see and experience everything. After all, he's always had an appetite for the unknown.
His heart thrums within his chest as Strohl's hand slides down his sleeve, bare fingertips brushing against naked skin peeking between that same fabric and the cuff of his gloves. And Strohl holds him so gently, lifting the hand to plant another kiss against the pale skin of his wrist. This is how Strohl has always been with him, suspending Will within his hands like something precious even when those very same hands were capable of wielding that giant greatsword of his with ease.
In fact, that very same energy is on full display as Strohl's fingers fall away from Will's wrist to begin tugging his own clothes off. There's a small laugh from Will, though the sound it makes is barely a slight exhale. No matter how measured and controlled Strohl tried to conduct himself, Will knows this is Strohl in his element, fire in his veins while driven by heart as opposed to head.
Not that it means Will isn't any less eager than Strohl. His fingers work deftly to unbutton his own coat, setting it aside before the rest follow shortly afterwards. There's a moment of hesitation as he glances down at Strohl's own laid upon the grass. Like this, it may inevitably result in streaks of dark green. Will has seen how meticulously Strohl minds that one article of clothing, given how it is adorned with his house's crest. But here he is, readily offering it up for the sake of Will's comfort. If that's the case, Will thinks he should ensure that his gratitude for Strohl's thoughtfulness is reflected in his future ministrations.
So he reaches forward, a smile curving upon his lips as he takes Strohl by the hand, coaxing him to join him as he settles on his back. This is far from the first time they'd seen one another like this, given all the times they'd indulged in the Altabury hot springs. And because of that, there is no need for Will to feel self-conscious about the mottled flesh over his heart and the shadows of briars stretching across his chest. It is, however... certainly the first time that Will has laid eyes upon Strohl from this particular angle. His general, the person he has always loved first and foremost, has always been breathtaking, but to see just how deeply Strohl has wanted this based on the flush dusting his cheeks...
He reaches up with both hands, cradling Strohl's face between two palms. ]
Let me see it all, Strohl. Let me feel you, every part of your heart.
[ When he first laid eyes on the remnants of the curse, he recalls his own surprise but did not wish to burden Will with his emotions. That seems to be the story of how he has carried on; his emotions have been a burden yet also a crutch through these long days.
To cherish each moment that he had with him; to anger at the injustice that he's suffered. The machinations of cruel men did this to him, and he would not stand for another to ruin him - even if that hand may be his own.
But wasn't that conceited? Wasn't that wrong? They've walked together and traveled through so much; he was one of his beginning companions but Will was Strohl's first. He was the first one he felt he could believe in; felt he could rely upon; felt he could die for without any regret.
It was such a heavy burden to put on another person that he feared what would happen if he let Will know how deep his feelings ran.
. . .
Certainly, it is nice to have these introspective thoughts as he's ripping the clothes off his own body.
His thoughts and actions are at odds with one another. That has always been a problem for him, in one way or another. Before it was because he spoke before he thought; then it became he thought before he spoke. To grow, he found new weaknesses, but he would always have one true vice.
He would give Will just about anything he asked for; in the hands of a wicked man, he knows that could spell so much ruin. But Will is ... Will. Fallible, hopeful, and good. A person who seeks out answers and questions his actions rather than believe himself to always be right.
His arms wrap around him, pulling him in close; naked flesh against naked flesh. He's kneeling slightly so that he can press his lips against where the mottled flesh is over his heart. Kissing the wounded area as he wanted to do when he first saw it. Running his hands and fingers over the shadows of those briars - believing his touch to be healing something deep in his soul. Or feeding into the fire of what is being created here.
Just tasting the skin under his mouth is enough to make his breath come out hard and heavy. It's a longing that he has denied himself yet is being allowed to indulge. ]
I can't promise it won't be suffocating... but what is in my heart is yours.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2024-12-04 09:06 pm (UTC)He didn't want to miss any sound, any hint, that may come from Will to help him. ]
Happens sometimes? How - does Hulkenberg know?
[ Somehow, the red-haired knight comes to mind first. He already knows the answer would be "no;" her worry and guilt for what happened to him before would cloud her judgment now. His shoulders droop as he understands that Will wouldn't want to worry his people, his friends, and that is why he can keep his outrage down.
Few, if any, of Will's actions have been out of malice or narcissism. But -- ]
Why do you have to carry so much on your own? No -- I don't mean say you don't think we're trustworthy. I know you better than that, but --
[ His head tips up as he realizes something odd in the way that Will speaks. He hasn't pulled away from him, either; he doesn't even think the closeness is odd or troublesome. If anything, he would feel like he'd worry more if they suddenly parted. ]
To him? The prince?
[ The hand that gripped his shoulder reaches up to rest against his face as it did before; his voice and questions are soft. Not really searching for answers for what he's saying but letting himself feel the deep pain of what is being implied. ]
Will -- that's you. That's still you.
[ He blinks rapidly; his lips press together into a thin line. His head turns slightly, staring at the rubble around him, and breathes in deep. ]
You are our prince, our king. You fought for yourself. This body -- it's yours. It's you.
We never -- I've never thought otherwise.
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Date: 2024-12-05 04:29 am (UTC)Will shakes his head, even as it continues to rest against Strohl's shoulder. ]
Only Heismay. I... couldn't keep it from him, not with how good his hearing is.
[ He can speak freely only because they are not here as ruler and liege. For the time being, there is no King and there is no General, only Will and Strohl. There is no King and there is no General, and perhaps that's why Will finds he can lean into Strohl's touch without any qualms. ]
I didn't want to take on the name Hythlodaeus VI after my coronation. I wanted my name to mark the start of a new era, but... it didn't feel right to me either. Not when that name should have gone to him.
[ Still, relief wells within him upon hearing Strohl assert that he's always been Will even after he'd become one with the prince's physical form. But Strohl had sworn as much, hadn't he? After Louis had corrupted his form, Strohl promised he would not fall victim to any doubts about Will's identity.
Even now, where Will falters, Strohl keeps that promise. ]
My memories -- they weren't real at all. I was just a vessel, even if I did carry his hopes and dreams. ...when I realized nothing I knew about myself was true, I thought -- maybe Louis was right. Maybe I did trick everyone around me into thinking I was someone who didn't exist.
[ He sighs, a weary smile resting on his face. ]
But... you're right. Our journey was real. The person you came to know is real.
[ There's a small exhale now, a quiet laugh escaping from Will. ]
Thank you, Strohl. We came here to give you ideas for seeing Halia renewed, but here I am leaning on you instead.
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Date: 2024-12-08 02:18 am (UTC)[ Especially since he's certain Will wouldn't be able to time when these attacks occur. Heismay would also know better than to break his trust by telling anyone else; he is the kind of figure that will protect and shelter anyone until they are ready themselves. ]
While I understand those feelings some... [ Strohl pauses, fingers tapping lightly on his shoulders; he realizes they're still close but hasn't pulled away. It feels wrong to - more than any action that he could do. ] ... that name and this is yours. But if you feel more yourself as "Will"... there's nothing else to say, is there?
[ He lightly shakes his head side-to-side when he says that he tricked everyone into thinking he was someone who didn't exist. His hands grip tighter onto him, afraid that he might truly fade away. Maybe, that, too, is why he can't pull himself away.
But he does feel some relief when he admits their journey and who he is is real. ]
You can lean on me as much as you want... as much as you need. The heavens only know how often I have relied on you even when I knew you had your own struggles and troubles. [ He runs his tongue over his lips. ] Yet you cared and looked after us as we fumbled through. I'm certain I'm not the only one who would attribute knowing you as to why they could change into someone they're proud of being, Will.
Little by little, you've changed all of our lives for the better... you've changed us for the better... you carried the weight of saving yourself, the kingdom, and- and - fighting to be king... to being king... you let us support you with these duties and tasks, but still, I fear you let yourself stand alone.
[ His mouth offers a sad smile. ] Much like myself. I anguish alone rather than want to worry others... because there is still so, so much more to do, but... what are we if not friends? If not companions? If ... if not precious to one another?
no subject
Date: 2024-12-08 11:37 pm (UTC)Yet if all memories are individual threads spun together into the tapestry of the self, what of the person whose life was spun from imaginary fabrics?
The truth continues to be obscured from the public. Despite carrying the prince's soul and inheriting his physical form, there would surely be an uproar upon the discovery that the current king had once shared more in common with a dragon than with the average person meandering down Sunlumeo Street. On the other hand, Will supposes there is some comfort in the fact that he'd truly earned his title. And someday, there'd stand another who managed to garner the public's trust as his future successor.
The smile on his face hasn't faltered just yet. It remains as Strohl holds onto him tighter, even if Will's face continues to be obscured from his sight. ]
Of course you relied on me. ...a candidate who can't shoulder all of that is one that isn't worth anyone's support.
[ He won't call them "burdens" because that term didn't fit at all. Everyone's struggles, their troubles -- they hadn't been things that weighed him down, not when he willingly and gladly encircled them with his own arms, bearing them for a little while until they were prepared to face those demons themselves. ]
You... remember what you said about about my Father, don't you? Back when we were in the palace in the sky.
[ It still feels strange to call that clemar man his Father, even if it were true. It's strange using that familial term for a man he barely knew.
There is a chasm of difference though between himself and King Hythlodaeus V, the wizened king who'd deteriorated from isolation. It is why Will can lift his head now to turn his face towards Strohl, aquamarine gaze tinted with quiet affection. ]
Maybe I don't need to worry about that yet. Or ever. Not when I have such reliable allies at my side.
[ He offers Strohl's arm a reassuring squeeze. ]
And besides, I think I'm a little better at delegating now.
[ But they're not here as King and General, and Strohl asks that he do more than seek aid from him as one of his Partisans, seeking support from him not only within their duties but even beyond that. Will's eyes drift shut as he takes in each of his friend's questions, every single one of them carefully constructed to emphasize the mutuality of their regard for each other. Friends, companions, one who is so very precious to the other that their existence is irreplaceable -- those sentiments have Will holding onto Strohl a little tighter as well. ]
...you're right, Strohl. I guess it's only fair, since I'd like for you to continue doing the same and sharing whatever weighs on you.
[ He lowers his arms for a moment, enough to let him tug one of his black gloves off his hand before lifting it again with his pinkie raised. The sleeve of his white coat falls ever so slightly, revealing a sliver of the iridescent blue band that rarely leaves his wrist. ]
I'll promise to share if you do too.
[ There's a brief pause as warmth rises in his cheeks. ]
...Maria showed me this is what you do to make a promise with someone.
no subject
Date: 2024-12-11 03:23 am (UTC)[ If he couldn't carry the weight of the people that he cared for, how could he carry the weight of the entire country?
He blinks at the question. A moment of apology comes and goes, but he soon nods that he remembers what he said about him. He didn't want the man to just give excuses for why things did not go his way. The corner of his mouth twists, as he understands Will, too, does not want to give any excuses for why something may not work out. ]
You're right. You won't ever have to worry about such a situation... we will never leave you on your own. But more than that, you're someone who would not give in...
[ When they all abandoned the ship to cut Will a path to Louis, they believed in him. It was also what he had feared the most. Everyone falling and failing; all of them losing their lives. And Will possibly dying alone. Yet -- he did not recall feeling fear in that moment. His heart felt light and at ease, because of that faith that he had in him.
Even if he fell, he did his duty as a noble, as a friend, as someone who loved him; he did all that he could and knew that he could rely on him to do the rest.
Certainly, they were all saved and carried on to the end, but in those seconds when life was uncertain, he felt such warmth -- that is what Will has given them. A belief in something - in someone - more than themselves. So -- ]
It means the world to me that you view yourself as real... as yourself... as a person... because of the hope that you've given all of us in our lowest moments.
[ A brief smile. ]
It'd be wrong of me to change now, wouldn't it, Captain?
[ A softness grows in his stare as he looks at the band on his wrist. He feels a heat rise up the back of his neck and nearly come out as a blush upon his face. He pulled his hand back so that he could rub the side of his face. ]
When you put it like that... I can't say no.
[ He breathes out and in.
The landscape isn't perfect, but this is the place that has meant the most to both of them. It's where he concluded what he should do; when he talked of his future; where they both dreamed together of Halia and what awaited them. How he decided to be a better man than he was yesterday - to always take one more step forward. ]
It's a bit unorthodox... but I suppose I have been courting you for little over a year now... still... [ He reaches his hand out to wrap his pinky around Will's, squeezing their fingers together. A small laugh escapes him. ] ... I promise to share these troubles with you. I promise to listen to yours. And I promise to as I have always... hold you deeply in my heart.
no subject
Date: 2024-12-12 04:08 am (UTC)There is no need to dwell on what it might be like, pursuing his rule utterly alone. That struggle had already come to pass. They'd won, and it was a victory they'd fought for tooth and nail. ]
I couldn't --
[ No, that's not quite right. ]
I... didn't want to give in. Not when all of you decided to entrust the future to me.
[ It's the least he could do to repay everyone for their steadfast faith. If that was the case, then shouldn't the same rationale apply to his doubts about himself? There were times when shadows cast themselves across his heart, those moments typically following the sudden phantom pain, or when he'd caught his reflection in the mirror while feeling a little fatigued.
Early on and in the privacy of his own chambers, he'd spent time examining and acquainting himself with his form in a large looking glass. How strange it was, to go from a body that certainly looked and felt like flesh but was in actuality composed of magla. Perhaps that had been why he was struck with a sudden pain upon the King unleashing his royal magic, the magla flowing through his physical form seizing in the presence of a more powerful force. Yet, that form, that amalgamation of magla's experiences, that person -- it formed the basis of the prince's id, ego, and superego. ]
...I'm getting better at remembering, but your Captain might need a reminder from time to time.
[ He supposes this counts as one. Strohl smiles at him, leaving Will certainly feeling as though he and the former prince were one and the same. Strohl would not offer such a tender expression to a stranger.
That comment as Strohl reaches out with his hand to lock their pinkies together -- it leaves Will blinking before the expression gives way to something warm. ]
I... was wondering about that, actually. I wasn't sure though, not when it feels like you've treated me that way from the start.
[ He hadn't ventured to ask Strohl about it, not wishing to place his closest companion on the spot. And in truth, it was difficult to tell given that Strohl had exhibited such care and earnestness towards him even upon their initial meeting. ]
You've always had a way with words, so I guess I'll be stealing your promises.
[ Just like how he'd stolen Strohl's wishes while standing at his side before the Eht Ria bonfires.
Their oath is complete, but Will finds he doesn't want to let go of Strohl's finger just yet. It's rare that they find the opportunity to indulge in even the slightest of intimacy, leaving Will relishing what little they can enjoy out here. Out here, he can ignore the fact that he'll inevitably be accosted with future marriage proposals from nobles across the continent, their families all eager to elevate their house's status into the royal family. Out here, he can ignore the fact that the people may criticize a relationship that further consolidates power within the Six Partisans, given how there'd already been complaints about Will's decision to promote his immediate allies into his inner governing circle.
It doesn't matter out here where they're simply the elda who'd once been a lowly traveling boy and a clemar from a fallen countryside house.
Will shifts his hand twisting it ever so slightly until his palm meets Strohl's, fingers grasping onto Strohl's hand. ]
I like when you call me "Captain." It reminds me of the time we spent with everyone else. I wouldn't mind you calling me by my name too though, if you can accept dropping formalities.
no subject
Date: 2024-12-15 09:32 pm (UTC)But an apology doesn't sound right - not now. Not when they're all together. It is and isn't something to say sorry for. Yet he realizes that it does need to be said. The years he spent punishing himself for abandoning Halia and his parents were brutal at best. Yet the letter that Will helped him find eased that pain immensely. ]
I'm sorry for almost leaving you to handle the rest. I knew that you wouldn't give in. I knew that you'd hold all our dreams and futures close and ensure they come true. But I'm sorry for those brief moments when you thought you wouldn't see them with us.
[ It isn't an apology for believing in him or weighing him down; it's for the possible future that he saw where he had to carry on without any allies by his side.
Still -- still -- Strohl believed Will would not make the same mistakes as his father did. He had seen the missteps the previous king had; how it had nearly destroyed the country. The person he loved would not falter and bring ruin even if he was alone. And he can't say he'd be alone. Gallica and Neuras would still be with him.
All the revelations that have come forward and more will probably still keep being found. It is not as though they've uncovered every plot and scheme - they've merely dealt with a great majority of them. Much like finding out that Will still struggles with the pains of the curse; he supposes it would have been too easy for it to have just gone away. Would it be too much for him to say that pain lets him know he's real? He's here? That there will always be a hand ready to hold his when he needs it?
Maybe it's too soon to say all that but he can say: ]
And I'll remember you as often as you need.
[ His face does scrunch up when Will indicates he was wondering about his courting. He feels his shoulders droop but it is because he wants to say that it's his first time trying and he has no intention of "getting better" with anyone else. But it seems the confusion comes not with how he's courting but Will not realizing he was being courted at all.
He opens his mouth and lets out a small ah noise.
Strohl does find it in himself to smile - feels the corner of his eyes crinkle at how he's praised for how he speaks. There was a time when he stumbled over his words. Not quite literally but he spoke before he thought. Now he thinks too much before he speaks. One day, he hopes there will be a middle ground. But he supposes so long as he's alive - he too will always get a little better than the day he was before.
At least, he can finally tell Will what he's been doing.
And the two of them hold hands; he feels some excitement build in his chest just being close to him like this. In his mind, he thinks of how this would look if Halia was back to what it was. The two precious keepsakes in his heart well and thriving together. Their hands are soon together, and he grasps his hand in the same way.
His eyes widen at the request. With his free hand, he covers his mouth and looks away briefly -- attempting to use the hand on his mouth to partially cover up his face. ]
The way you speak so freely like that... it's what makes me love you more. [ His stomach twists pleasantly at his confession. ] It also means I should have been just as free with what I was doing. [ He drops his free hand from his mouth. ]
I love you, Will. May I continue to love you?
no subject
Date: 2024-12-18 03:56 am (UTC)It is his heart, the one that stuttered in his chest when Strohl first stepped before him at the recruitment center in his defense, the one that swelled as his companion bent his knee to lift the Euchronian crown into his hands.
But in truth, Will holds every word that ever leaves Strohl's lips close to his heart, including his companion's confessed appreciation for his free-spiritedness. It's a good thing then, Will thinks, that such a trait seems to come naturally to him, one who'd been born from the prince's desire to someday witness Euchronia's lands and to traverse them with his own two feet. ]
It's okay. You can start now.
[ His hand is warm in Strohl's grasp. Their fingers intertwine as he feels himself secured, a humble ship moored to a dock sturdy enough to weather any storm that might strike the shore. Should he ever lose his way, he need only look towards the light in Strohl's amber eyes, for they cut through the night, guiding his ship home where he will never need to doubt his own identity. This hand in Strohl's grasp -- it is his, and his alone.
Warmth rises in his own cheeks as Strohl finally speaks once more, the hand partially obscuring the other's face finally dropping away to offer Will a proper look at the words forming upon Strohl's lips. He does not ask whether he is permitted to hold Will dear to him, nor does he merely speak his affections into existence. The careful construction of that question must be intentional, a declaration that Strohl has cherished him for awhile. ]
Of course.
[ Will squeezes Strohl's hand, a soft smile spreading upon his face. ]
Of course you can.
[ And before Strohl has the opportunity to wonder just how much longer he should continue courting him, and before his mind becomes crowded with unnecessary thoughts, Will tugs him forward by the hand. His other hand latches onto the lapel of Strohl's coat, pulling his companion downwards to his height. He surges forward, crystalline eyes shut as he presses his lips against Strohl's. There's a hunger and an ardor in how firmly he grasps onto Strohl, unabashed in his fervor now that he's been granted permission.
This is his. The staccato pulse and heady rush surging through his veins upon finally being granted the freedom to embrace the one who'd been at his side from what was practically the start -- this is him. These thoughts, these feelings of longing finally fulfilled: they are his, and his alone.
Against Strohl's lips, he whispers something more: ]
Promise me that you'll continue, Strohl; promise me you won't ever stop.
no subject
Date: 2024-12-26 03:49 am (UTC)It equally warms his heart that he can keep loving him. The way that he squeezes his hand makes his chest ache in the same way.
Just before he can start to think of how he'll court him properly now that Will knows his intentions - he's pulled forward. He doesn't quite take a stumbling step closer to him; it is more a half-shuffle. His eyes widen as the lapel of his coat is grabbed. He's pulled down before he can fully understand the situation.
The kiss he's given mirrors the same hunger and longing that he's felt for years. It drums in his very being. He doesn't hesitate this time - his free hand reaching up to cup the back of Will's head, pulling him closer. His eyes finally closing to sink deeper into the feeling of their mouths together; the warmth, softness, and affection felt in a simple gesture.
They pull back just enough and he hears what he has to say - that soft whisper and he swallows in turn. ]
I promise you.
[ It is almost a drunken reply, but he is firm in his resolve. ]
Of course, I won't.
[ The longing burns deeper inside him. It's a longing that comes from wanting to hold him even closer, to be even closer with him. They have so little distance between them and yet it seems like too much.
A selfish, delirious thought hits him that Halia should have been restored sooner for there is nowhere he can show all of these feelings. Well, nowhere beyond pulling Will close again to kiss him; to take his breath away as his own breath has been taken.
I love you. Those words in his head make his heart feel that much tighter. It's filled with hope, adoration, and fear. To love someone so openly is to know something might take it away. But that just means - he must do what he can to hold him that much closer.
Right? ]
no subject
Date: 2024-12-31 05:56 am (UTC)And before he can urge Strohl to show him how seriously he intends to keep that promise, his companion is already pulling him in close again. Here, there is no Euchronian King, only the lone elda who has become Strohl's willing recipient of all his affections. In turn, Strohl is rewarded with a pleased sigh as Will's arms wrap around him, fingers grasping at his coat against his back.
They'll return to Grand Trad later with one extra secret held within their hearts. But out here where Halia once stood, it's easier for Will to feel as though they were on their journey from the past, where they were merely a traveling boy and a fallen noble. Details and particulars can come later, even if it does not change the fact that moments like this may be fewer and far between.
That truth only serves to fuel the newly-lit flame of ardor within Will. Before, it existed as warm embers, content to live on into perpetuity in that muted form if necessary. Now they flicker into a full flame thanks to Strohl's fanning of those embers, his newly-forged oath feeding it with a steady supply of tinder and kindling. Hope and adoration are thrown upon the fire, allowing it to rise and consume fear, singeing it into mere ash.
Then again, perhaps it's where they differ: Will has never feared holding others within his heart. ]
It's a little unfair of you though, Strohl.
[ Will manages to get those words out in between them melding against one another. ]
Now that I know your intentions, I'm forced to wait for the next time we can do this.
[ In spite of those words, his lips curve against Strohl's in the shape of a smile. ]
no subject
Date: 2025-01-02 05:19 am (UTC)[ His words remain just as affectionate as before. ]
Years of planned courting have gone by the wayside in just a few words and a kiss.
[ He can feel his heart ache at seeing his smile.
Of course, Strohl soon breathes out a small laugh. If he had been wiser, he should have made his intentions known from the start. But then, if he didn't hold himself back with this tenuous process of showing his feelings, he fears what he might have done. He may have grown out of his impulsive behavior, but that is something that took their journey to do. ]
But I suppose that tells you the sway that you have over me.
[ It is only Halia that is his sticking point, but that is because of the weight it holds. His home and Will are pieces that he wants to protect with everything he has. But he fears what would happen if something were to occur again. Would he be able to be steadfast and triumphant? Or would he fail them in some way? Like he did when he stepped back as Will was almost turned into a Human? The shame he felt ate at him; he almost gave up on his desire to hold him as he is now.
What right did he have to wish for a future when he could not stand with him then?
But - he can't keep hesitating because of one wrong. He can't keep acting like one mistake is the reason he shouldn't seek something better. If he does, what does that mean for the country? What does that mean for the people? A little more forgiveness is needed for everyone.
And he can't stop his heart even if he wants to do so. ]
We don't have to wait for the next time to find out what more there can be.
[ Yes, for all his romantic and adoring thoughts, he can't deny the lustful ones, either. Especially since he is holding him so close and can still feel the warmth of his mouth against his own. ]
no subject
Date: 2025-01-04 05:10 am (UTC)Careful, Strohl. You never know what someone might do after you've revealed that sort of information.
[ But hasn't Will done the same, albeit without uttering a single word? His facial expression surely says as much with lips parted and a pink flush dusting his cheeks. It's his turn to breathe out a small laugh again at the sound of Strohl's comments.
Truly, years of planned courting had been cast aside.
Will leans forward again in search of Strohl once more, fingers still grasping at the fabric of Strohl's coat. Had he the physical strength, one might not put it past Will to tear the entire article of clothing off the clemar's body. But he could never, not when it bears the crest of his companion's beloved home, the coat of arms of the very ground that they stand upon.
And perhaps it is fitting that they find themselves here in particular as they press closer to each other. There is nary a restored building standing within the ruins. The scars of destruction remain upon the cornerstones of each building. Yet, where flames had once licked the grounds bare, blades of grass have sprouted anew and blanket Halia with new life.
From these ruins, it seems something new has grown too. Based on Strohl's words, it seems to have sprung from both of their hearts. Halia is still alive. They are still alive, and the heartbeat thrumming within his chest is yet another reminder, soaring from being certain about Strohl's own feelings even if he does not yet know the true depth of them. Then again, here is Strohl, offering to show him a glimpse of it, offering to permit Will to acquaint himself with it.
He tilts his head a bit, planting a kiss at the corner of Strohl's mouth while simultaneously offering the pulse in his neck to his companion. ]
We've done enough waiting then, haven't we?
[ Will may be the king, but it seems he has no qualms with deferring to Strohl. For today, it seems all behavior from Strohl which may be unbecoming in the presence of royalty is excused. ]
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Date: 2025-01-06 06:15 am (UTC)[ His voice lowers rather than joining in the playful tone.
Indeed, for all his romantic plannings, he could not deny the desire tangled deep within. Yet he knew if he chased those thoughts too far, he would be the one who failed.
Their journey together taught him patience; it taught him to build his self-control up so high as to not ruin anything between them. It is how he could remain steadfast as Will grasps so on his coat; he can feel the desperation in his grip. He swallows as his mouth goes dry - and yet he does not stop looking into his eyes.
He won't turn away from him.
Strohl knows that their hearts are beating at the same frantic pace. He tries to suck cool air in as he thinks that he should take back what he said. Perhaps, we should wait. Yet the kiss on the corner of his lips makes him swallow those hateful words. The offer given to him and the rhetorical question undoes him more.
Well, Heismay's ears can't reach this far - and there is no one here to see us.
The thoughts themselves are rational and he thinks he said them but he didn't. Instead, he pulls Will closer into his arms. He dips his head down to take what is offered - that beautiful neck. His mouth presses hot, adoring kisses across the skin. Parting his lips, he lightly bites - nips - before kissing where his mouth has been. Almost like an apology, completely in reverence to him.
Will is his Captain, still; his friend, his light. All of these things he is before he is his king. Someone would have complaints about that, but he shoves those words out of his mind as well and he takes the time just to cling to him tight - he'll let him go soon, but he can't get enough of his taste on his tongue. ]
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Date: 2025-01-07 03:51 am (UTC)Teeth scrape lightly against Will's bared neck, leaving him shuddering at the juxtaposed sensations of each nip immediately followed by a tender caress of Strohl's lips. His hand slides from Strohl's coat as an arm wraps around Strohl instead, fingers curling into his back. Here is the person who'd earnestly declared that Will could rely on him, now and always, that he need only to look over his shoulder whenever he felt weary. There, he would find hope and an outstretched hand ready to catch him should he ever stumble. ]
S-Strohl --
[ The name that rests upon Will's tongue is one that has always tasted the sweetest to him. The light rouge dusting his cheekbones blooms into a deeper pink, spurred on further by the fact that there are no walls to seclude this moment from the rest of the world. And yet, ironically, they might find themselves with less privacy had they been within the palace.
His eyes drift shut as he hums with satisfaction. Now that he's received a taste of Strohl's affections, Will finds himself craving more. It's an unfamiliar feeling, not merely because neither of them had ever laid truly laid their hands upon the other until now, but rather because he'd grown so accustomed to accepting that desire was not something he would ever find nestled within his palms.
He'd been born from desire, the Prince's wish to walk the land. But desire, wishes -- such concepts were never meant for him. What use does one created to serve another's purpose have for yearning? Simply being born from desire did not necessarily mean it was something meant for him. Even now, even after uncovering his identity as the Prince, then as the Euchronian king, he finds the concept of wishing for something for himself quite unusual.
Yet he finds himself here, craving more of what Strohl offers up to him. ]
I... want to know --
[ The fingers at Strohl's back dig a little harder into his coat. ]
Show me how much you've wanted me all this time --
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Date: 2025-01-13 06:07 am (UTC)He knows how his body stills at hearing him say his name. The desire rises through him; he can feel it almost like the same fire that burned in his chest upon his awakening. Some sense tries to come back to him. A voice tells him: Be reasonable. If you keep acting this way, won't it be shameful to return to the carriage? He is still this country's king.
Of course, he dismisses that voice. It's small and only clinging to sense because he's drowning in the feelings he's been holding onto for so long. Be silent. The time has come to tell his thoughts to be quiet. Especially since it is not just up to him - the request he has for him; the command; the curiosity of what he's been holding in his heart has been given.
It's time to answer the voice that weakly protests and Will. ]
I'll show you every part of my heart. [ He has to adjust how they're holding one another; they have to part. He intends to lay his coat down on the ground - for as much comfort as he can give him. ] You are my captain, but even before that, you're the person I love first and foremost. [ As he steps back, he holds onto Will's arm - his hand sliding down the sleeve until his fingers touch skin, he gently turns his hand over, he brings it up to press a longing kiss on the inside of his wrist.
It's the most control he can continue to have before he starts roughly pulling his clothes off - remembering only to put the coat down as he initially intended to do. He did think to pull Will's clothes off but knew he would rip them off in impatience.
Strohl doesn't care about that as much with his clothes, but if he hears the sound of the material tearing, he fears what would be left of his senses. ]
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Date: 2025-01-16 03:09 am (UTC)His heart thrums within his chest as Strohl's hand slides down his sleeve, bare fingertips brushing against naked skin peeking between that same fabric and the cuff of his gloves. And Strohl holds him so gently, lifting the hand to plant another kiss against the pale skin of his wrist. This is how Strohl has always been with him, suspending Will within his hands like something precious even when those very same hands were capable of wielding that giant greatsword of his with ease.
In fact, that very same energy is on full display as Strohl's fingers fall away from Will's wrist to begin tugging his own clothes off. There's a small laugh from Will, though the sound it makes is barely a slight exhale. No matter how measured and controlled Strohl tried to conduct himself, Will knows this is Strohl in his element, fire in his veins while driven by heart as opposed to head.
Not that it means Will isn't any less eager than Strohl. His fingers work deftly to unbutton his own coat, setting it aside before the rest follow shortly afterwards. There's a moment of hesitation as he glances down at Strohl's own laid upon the grass. Like this, it may inevitably result in streaks of dark green. Will has seen how meticulously Strohl minds that one article of clothing, given how it is adorned with his house's crest. But here he is, readily offering it up for the sake of Will's comfort. If that's the case, Will thinks he should ensure that his gratitude for Strohl's thoughtfulness is reflected in his future ministrations.
So he reaches forward, a smile curving upon his lips as he takes Strohl by the hand, coaxing him to join him as he settles on his back. This is far from the first time they'd seen one another like this, given all the times they'd indulged in the Altabury hot springs. And because of that, there is no need for Will to feel self-conscious about the mottled flesh over his heart and the shadows of briars stretching across his chest. It is, however... certainly the first time that Will has laid eyes upon Strohl from this particular angle. His general, the person he has always loved first and foremost, has always been breathtaking, but to see just how deeply Strohl has wanted this based on the flush dusting his cheeks...
He reaches up with both hands, cradling Strohl's face between two palms. ]
Let me see it all, Strohl. Let me feel you, every part of your heart.
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Date: 2025-02-18 05:53 am (UTC)To cherish each moment that he had with him; to anger at the injustice that he's suffered. The machinations of cruel men did this to him, and he would not stand for another to ruin him - even if that hand may be his own.
But wasn't that conceited? Wasn't that wrong? They've walked together and traveled through so much; he was one of his beginning companions but Will was Strohl's first. He was the first one he felt he could believe in; felt he could rely upon; felt he could die for without any regret.
It was such a heavy burden to put on another person that he feared what would happen if he let Will know how deep his feelings ran.
.
.
.
Certainly, it is nice to have these introspective thoughts as he's ripping the clothes off his own body.
His thoughts and actions are at odds with one another. That has always been a problem for him, in one way or another. Before it was because he spoke before he thought; then it became he thought before he spoke. To grow, he found new weaknesses, but he would always have one true vice.
He would give Will just about anything he asked for; in the hands of a wicked man, he knows that could spell so much ruin. But Will is ... Will. Fallible, hopeful, and good. A person who seeks out answers and questions his actions rather than believe himself to always be right.
His arms wrap around him, pulling him in close; naked flesh against naked flesh. He's kneeling slightly so that he can press his lips against where the mottled flesh is over his heart. Kissing the wounded area as he wanted to do when he first saw it. Running his hands and fingers over the shadows of those briars - believing his touch to be healing something deep in his soul. Or feeding into the fire of what is being created here.
Just tasting the skin under his mouth is enough to make his breath come out hard and heavy. It's a longing that he has denied himself yet is being allowed to indulge. ]
I can't promise it won't be suffocating... but what is in my heart is yours.